Well, I have survived my first term of Vet Med. And I am well and truly ready for a Christmas break! The pace at Uni is ridiculous- doing all the time but never being. And I miss that! I like having time to just 'be', with nothing particular to do. I guess it's up to me to make time for that tho- something I want to try to do more of next term. Part of that is my lack of spending time being with God every day and reading His word. I got used to having a couple of hours every morning free to do that at home, but suddenly here I feel like I am trying to squash everything into a few minutes, watching the clock, waiting for whatever is coming up next. The more I settle in, the easier it gets, but I certainly realise how much difference it makes to the way I live! My love for God must be constantly growing- otherwise it is shrinking. And that is not what I want at all.
I has been a real rollercoaster of a term. Hard in lots of ways but also amazing. I am loving my course now, but a couple of weeks into the beginning of term I had serious doubts about what I was doing. The work was hard, I didn't feel as though I'd made any good friends there, and I was wondering whether I was interested enough to stick out 5 years. I'm not sure what changed- maybe it is because I have made some great friends, maybe it is that I have got back into the studying mindset, or maybe it is that I am more aware of what I can do with my degree at the end of it. Sometimes I still wish I was doing art or english or something a bit more laid back and creative. But I wouldn't change courses given the chance! I have been a bit of a slacker on the work front for the past few weeks, so I have a fair bit to do over Christmas. Generally people on my course work way too hard, though, so I reckon it is better to sway more this way than that.
I have been going to a big church in the city centre called 'Woodies' (Woodlands Church) and I feel pretty at home there now, although the size of it is still a bit strange for me. I am used to being somewhere where I am known and I know people. But here I am still a real newcomer and I don't like having to make an effort to get to know people. Still, I know that once I move out of the city in my 4th year I will likely go to quite a small church again, and so it seems good to get the experience of being part of a big chuch while I am here and have that opportunity. I would also love to get more involved in serving in some way, but I don't just want to do what I have always done for the sake of it. But anyway, things take time, and I know that by next year I will probably feeel very much part of Woodies.
It has been kind of hard to get a good balance between doing things at church or CU and spending time with people from my course or my house or societies I have joined. I have visited both extremes of neglecting one and indulging in another, but seem to have a reasonable balance now. One thing I have been challenged on is how I am supposed to live generously. With time and money especially. It is easy to become stingy about both because as a student you are lacking in both! But I need to learn that neither belong to me and so I should gladly give to people who need either of them. Time is probably harder than money- I always have things that I want to do, and if someone else asks more of my time than I expect, I am usually quick to shrug them off. But Jesus was so generous and always had time for people, so I need to as well.
It's been hard finding out while away from home that my Mum has cancer. But it has also made me realise that I already have some really good friends here and I am so thankful for them. I have realised yet again that God's power is made perfect in my weakness. I have realised that I have no choice but to lean totally and completely on God, to trust in Him alone.
I am so glad that God directs my steps and delights in every detail of my life.
I have learnt that I don't need to complicate my life unnecessarily. Keeping it simple is best.
'If I myself dominate myself, if my thoughts revolve around myself, if I am so occupied with myself I rarely have a heart at leisure from itself, then I know nothing of Calvary Love.' Amy Carmichael.
