You see, I have discovered that I seem to have developed some kind of image and reputation as a 'nice' person. Generally, I seem to have a pretty good reputation. It's just little comments from people but I've had a few of them this week and their cumulative effect has been to make me think a bit about reputation. We had a lecture last week about making ethical decisions and the speaker was talking about the different ways to go about this. One of them was the 'virtue' method- this basically uses the theory that if you are a good person, you will make good decisions. But she went on to say that in her opinion, one of the risks of this method is that it becomes all about the vet making themselves look good and actually it might result in unethical decisions being made. Pride creeps in there.
"People who are obsessed with Jesus know that the sin of pride is always a battle. Obsessed people know that you can never be 'humble enough', and so they seek to make themselves less known and Christ more known." Crazy Love
Is the point to be known as a 'nice' person? No! That should never be my aim. Is the point to make myself look good? Of course not. Still, subconsciously it happens. But I want people to see Jesus. I want to live as someone who points to Him, who makes Him look bigger and myself look smaller.
The truth is, I have no idea how I have acquired this label. I know myself well and I know that there is much in me and about me that is not 'nice'. I know the darkest parts of myself, my lack of love, my selfishness, my anger...everything. I was chatting to Sabrina (who I lived with in India) last weekend about how she and Helen are some of the few people who have seen the worst in me as well as the best. Living closely with other people means that you really get to know yourself!
If people see something in me that they admire then that is fantastic- but I don't want it to end there. I want it to point them on to Jesus. I want it to spur them on to get to know Him more. Because anything that they do see is certainly not my own doing or effort- it is all because of Him. And He should get the glory, not me. Pride is a battle and it would be foolish to pretend otherwise. But God lifts up people who are humble. And I don't want 'me' to get in God's way. I want to be bowed down before Him.
"I lift you high and bow down low. How high can You be? How low can I go?"
If I have my eyes fixed on God and am adoring Him, caring only about what He thinks of me, then that's a good start. And if I really am loving other people, then what I do should never become about me. It should always be about my love- God's love- for those other people.
"Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time." 1 Peter 5:6
Be content with obscurity.
