Have you ever stood in front of a mirror and looked into your own eyes for more than a couple of seconds? Try it- it is strangely disconcerting. I usually find myself mildly bemused that I am 'myself' and not someone else. I exist.
This strange person that I see looking back at me, my 'Self', really does get in the way. To quote Tozer, "the self-sins are these: self-righteousness, self-pity, self-confidence, self-sufficiency, self-admiration, self-love and a host of others like them. They dwell too deep within us and are too much a part of our natures to come to our attention till the light of God is focused upon them... Promoting self under the guise of promoting Christ is currently so common as to excite little notice."
It is natural to want to make much of our Selves- no effort necessary, it just happens. Pride is such a deadly thing. It creeps in and disguises itself so that we don't even notice it lurking. Motives reveal it. Why do we do what we do? What motivates us? All too often I find pride at the bottom of it all. But "humility comes before honour." There is much to be said for being content with obscurity.
I have often heard people speak about how powerful 'secret sin' is in a life. But today I heard, for the first time, someone also speak of the power that 'secret good' has. Jesus said that we should do things in secret, to be seen by our Father, not by people. And our reward will be way better than people praise. Doing things in secret to express our love for our Father is a powerful thing. And it kills pride.
Even dwelling too much on our own proud heart can be unhelpful, though. It just becomes more and more about Self and less and less about Him. Actually, the solution is so very simple: less of Self, and more of God. Matt Redman sings, "You must increase, I must decrease, Lord. I'll bow down and You will be adored. I lift You high and bow down low; how high can You be? How low can I go?" Lets make much of Him and less of Self.
Almost as endemic as pride, though, is self-hatred. In fact, I think the two can be there hand in hand, feeding off of each other. And both are equally destructive.
"So often what is notoriously missing from the external, mechanized concept of salvation is self-acceptance, an experience that is internally personalized and rooted in the acceptance of Jesus Christ. It bids good riddance to unhealthy guilt, shame, remorse and self-hatred. Anything less- self-rejection in any form- is a manifest sign of a lack of trust in the total sufficiency of Jesus' saving work. Has he set me free from fear of the Father and dislike of myself, or has he not?" Brennan Manning
Who are we to put ourselves down? How can we slander our own bodies or appearance or personality or skills in a depreciating way? Not that we should be blind to our weaknesses, but surely the freedom and grace we have received sets us totally free from any obsession we have with how uncomely our Self is? I hear so many people putting themselves down. Especially girls. Is that honouring to our God?
"What matters is not your outer appearance—the styling of your hair, the jewelry you wear, the cut of your clothes—but your inner disposition. Cultivate inner beauty, the gentle, gracious kind that God delights in." 1 Peter
"Preoccupation with our past sins, present weaknesses, and character defects gets our emotions churning in self-destructive ways, closes us within the mighty citadel of self, and preempts the presence of a compassionate God." Brennan Manning
Our identity is in Him. Not in what we say and do and wear and achieve. In Him, who we belong to. If that can truly sink into my head and my heart, I think I will be too bowled over by the gift of grace to be proud and too conscious of the love my Father has for me to be preoccupied by my own inadequacy.
