“And beyond this there lies in the ocean, turned towards the west and north, the island of Niatirb which Hecataeus indeed declares to be the same size and shape as Sicily, but it is larger, though in calling it triangular a man would not miss the mark. It is densely inhabited by men who wear clothes not very different from the other barbarians who occupy the north western parts of Europe though they do not agree with them in language. These islanders, surpassing all the men of whom we know in patience and endurance, use the following customs.
In the middle of winter when fogs and rains most abound they have a great festival which they call Exmas and for fifty days they prepare for it in the fashion I shall describe. First of all, every citizen is obliged to send to each of his friends and relations a square piece of hard paper stamped with a picture, which in their speech is called an Exmas-card. But the pictures represent birds sitting on branches, or trees with a dark green prickly leaf, or else men in such garments as the Niatirbians believe that their ancestors wore two hundred years ago riding in coaches such as their ancestors used, or houses with snow on their roofs. And the Niatirbians are unwilling to say what these pictures have to do with the festival; guarding (as I suppose) some sacred mystery. And because all men must send these cards the marketplace is filled with the crowd of those buying them, so that there is great labour and weariness.
But having bought as many as they suppose to be sufficient, they return to their houses and find there the like cards which others have sent to them. And when they find cards from any to whom they also have sent cards, they throw them away and give thanks to the gods that this labour at least is over for another year. But when they find cards from any to whom they have not sent, then they beat their breasts and wail and utter curses against the sender; and, having sufficiently lamented their misfortune, they put on their boots again and go out into the fog and rain and buy a card for him also. And let this account suffice about Exmas-cards.
They also send gifts to one another, suffering the same things about the gifts as about the cards, or even worse. For every citizen has to guess the value of the gift which every friend will send to him so that he may send one of equal value, whether he can afford it or not. And they buy as gifts for one another such things as no man ever bought for himself. For the sellers, understanding the custom, put forth all kinds of trumpery, and whatever, being useless and ridiculous, they have been unable to sell throughout the year they now sell as an Exmas gift. And though the Niatirbians profess themselves to lack sufficient necessary things, such as metal, leather, wood and paper, yet an incredible quantity of these things is wasted every year, being made into the gifts.
But during these fifty days the oldest, poorest, and most miserable of the citizens put on false beards and red robes and walk about the market-place; being disguised (in my opinion) as Cronos. And the sellers of gifts no less than the purchaser’s become pale and weary, because of the crowds and the fog, so that any man who came into a Niatirbian city at this season would think some great public calamity had fallen on Niatirb. This fifty days of preparation is called in their barbarian speech the Exmas Rush.
But when the day of the festival comes, then most of the citizens, being exhausted with the Rush, lie in bed till noon. But in the evening they eat five times as much supper as on other days and, crowning themselves with crowns of paper, they become intoxicated. And on the day after Exmas they are very grave, being internally disordered by the supper and the drinking and reckoning how much they have spent on gifts and on the wine. For wine is so dear among the Niatirbians that a man must swallow the worth of a talent before he is well intoxicated.
Such, then, are their customs about the Exmas. But the few among the Niatirbians have also a festival, separate and to themselves, called Crissmas, which is on the same day as Exmas. And those who keep Crissmas, doing the opposite to the majority of the Niatirbians, rise early on that day with shining faces and go before sunrise to certain temples where they partake of a sacred feast. And in most of the temples they set out images of a fair woman with a new-born Child on her knees and certain animals and shepherds adoring the Child. (The reason of these images is given in a certain sacred story which I know but do not repeat.)
But I myself conversed with a priest in one of these temples and asked him why they kept Crissmas on the same day as Exmas; for it appeared to me inconvenient. But the priest replied, “It is not lawful, O stranger, for us to change the date of Chrissmas, but would that Zeus would put it into the minds of the Niatirbians to keep Exmas at some other time or not to keep it at all. For Exmas and the Rush distract the minds even of the few from sacred things. And we indeed are glad that men should make merry at Crissmas; but in Exmas there is no merriment left.” And when I asked him why they endured the Rush, he replied, “It is, O Stranger, a racket“; using (as I suppose) the words of some oracle and speaking unintelligibly to me (for a racket is an instrument which the barbarians use in a game called tennis).
But what Hecataeus says, that Exmas and Crissmas are the same, is not credible. For first, the pictures which are stamped on the Exmas-cards have nothing to do with the sacred story which the priests tell about Crissmas. And secondly, the most part of the Niatirbians, not believing the religion of the few, nevertheless send the gifts and cards and participate in the Rush and drink, wearing paper caps. But it is not likely that men, even being barbarians, should suffer so many and great things in honour of a god they do not believe in. And now, enough about Niatirb. “
Friday 26 December 2008
The Imitation of Christ- Thomas A Kempis
He that knoweth himself well groweth ever more conscious of his own sinfulness, and findeth no delight in the praises of man.
I am oftentimes wearied by hearing and reading many things: in Thee, Lord, is all that I would have and can desire. Let all manner of learned men hold their peace; let all creation be silent in Thy sight; let Thou alone, O Lord, speak unto me.
Flatter not the rich; nor seek to appear in the prescence of great men. Associate rather with humble and plain men, with the devout and virtuous, and confer with them on the things that edify.
I am oftentimes wearied by hearing and reading many things: in Thee, Lord, is all that I would have and can desire. Let all manner of learned men hold their peace; let all creation be silent in Thy sight; let Thou alone, O Lord, speak unto me.
Flatter not the rich; nor seek to appear in the prescence of great men. Associate rather with humble and plain men, with the devout and virtuous, and confer with them on the things that edify.
Monday 22 December 2008
Free!
"If you decide for God, living a life of God-worship, it follows that you don't fuss about what's on the table at mealtimes or whether the clothes in your closet are in fashion. There is far more to your life than the food you put in your stomach, more to your outer appearance than the clothes you hang on your body. Look at the birds, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description, careless in the care of God. And you count far more to him than birds." Matt 6:25
"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly." Matt 11:28
"So be content with who you are, and don't put on airs. God's strong hand is on you; he'll promote you at the right time. Live carefree before God; he is most careful with you." 1 Peter 5:6
"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly." Matt 11:28
"So be content with who you are, and don't put on airs. God's strong hand is on you; he'll promote you at the right time. Live carefree before God; he is most careful with you." 1 Peter 5:6
Tuesday 16 December 2008
Christlikeness
"Do NOTHING out out selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves." Philippians 2:3
Sometimes I meet people who completely overwhelm me by their kindness. They are totally concerned with other people and seemingly don't give a thought about themselves. I just read the biography of a guy called Eric Liddel today, and he was one such person. Someone wrote of him, "He was not particularly clever and not conspicuously able, but he was good. He wasn't a great leader or an inspired thinker, but he knew what he ought to do and did it." His whole life was focused on living out that very attitude of humility and considering others as better than himself. And it made an impact on so many lives!
The fruits of the spirit are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. It never sounds that attractive to be described as someone who is kind or good or gentle. In fact, it can sound pretty dull and soft and weak. But actually, living out these characteristics is probably one of the hardest and most powerful parts of being a Christian. They are the mark of a Christian! I sometimes find myself aiming for something other than this description, but this is really what my life should be about.
So, having thought about all this stuff, I started thinking about how I could live it more and not just know it. But thinking about being patient is totally different to actually being patient when you are stuck in a massive queue or being kind when you have a million other things on your mind. And I also realised that the challenge is to have pure motives: these things are not done to be seen and praised. I am not trying to please people, but to serve them and love them. And I realised that I have a long way to go yet.
Eric Liddel found the key- he spent time alone with God every morning, in His prescence, and that set him up to live the rest of the day in the manner that he always did, with love and concern and regard for others. This is not something that can be done alone! Everything about us is 'me' first, but this whole attitude is totally different to that. I also realised that perhaps a bit of effort is required on our part too- not just sitting back and letting God work through us. Thinking through the day to come- what qualities are you likely to need? Joy? Patience? Kindness? And how can you live them out? It is the way that in every single little thing we should sacrifice our own needs and desires to those of others.
Is this what it means to be Christ-like?
Sometimes I meet people who completely overwhelm me by their kindness. They are totally concerned with other people and seemingly don't give a thought about themselves. I just read the biography of a guy called Eric Liddel today, and he was one such person. Someone wrote of him, "He was not particularly clever and not conspicuously able, but he was good. He wasn't a great leader or an inspired thinker, but he knew what he ought to do and did it." His whole life was focused on living out that very attitude of humility and considering others as better than himself. And it made an impact on so many lives!
The fruits of the spirit are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. It never sounds that attractive to be described as someone who is kind or good or gentle. In fact, it can sound pretty dull and soft and weak. But actually, living out these characteristics is probably one of the hardest and most powerful parts of being a Christian. They are the mark of a Christian! I sometimes find myself aiming for something other than this description, but this is really what my life should be about.
So, having thought about all this stuff, I started thinking about how I could live it more and not just know it. But thinking about being patient is totally different to actually being patient when you are stuck in a massive queue or being kind when you have a million other things on your mind. And I also realised that the challenge is to have pure motives: these things are not done to be seen and praised. I am not trying to please people, but to serve them and love them. And I realised that I have a long way to go yet.
Eric Liddel found the key- he spent time alone with God every morning, in His prescence, and that set him up to live the rest of the day in the manner that he always did, with love and concern and regard for others. This is not something that can be done alone! Everything about us is 'me' first, but this whole attitude is totally different to that. I also realised that perhaps a bit of effort is required on our part too- not just sitting back and letting God work through us. Thinking through the day to come- what qualities are you likely to need? Joy? Patience? Kindness? And how can you live them out? It is the way that in every single little thing we should sacrifice our own needs and desires to those of others.
Is this what it means to be Christ-like?
Saturday 13 December 2008
Wake up!
Last night I went out for a friend's birthday and had an interesting conversation with a guy about God and Christianity. He had a lot of questions and was still undecided on exactly what he believed, but one thing he said stuck with me. It was along the lines of, if he knew God as Christians claim to, then it would completely alter his life. Could he just go on living, drifting through? Of course not!
So then there are those of us who know God. We know that our future is secure, that God is alive and that we are able to know Him. But we make such a poor effort of making that general knowledge! I don't think there is a single Christian who genuinely loves and knows God who wouldn't say that what they believe is by far the most important thing in their life. But don't we see- this is the most important thing for everyone! How much time have we wasted? How often are we timid and how easily do we get comfy and fall asleep to our commission? Wake up!
Asleep in the Light (Keith Green)
Do you see, do you see
All the people sinking down
Don't you care, don't you care
Are you gonna let them drown
How can you be so numb
Not to care if they come
You close your eyes
And pretend the job's done
"Oh bless me Lord, bless me Lord"
You know it's all I ever hear
No one aches, no one hurts
No one even sheds one tear
But He cries, He weeps, He bleeds
And He cares for your needs
And you just lay back
And keep soaking it in,
Oh, can't you see it's such a sin?
Cause He brings people to you door,
And you turn them away
As you smile and say,
"God bless you, be at peace"
And all heaven just weeps
Cause Jesus came to your door
You've left him out on the streets
Open up open up
And give yourself away
You see the need, you hear the cries
So how can you delay
God's calling and you're the one
But like Jonah you run
He's told you to speak
But you keep holding it in,
Oh can't you see it's such a sin?
The world is sleeping in the dark
That the church just can't fight
Cause it's asleep in the light
How can you be so dead
When you've been so well fed
Jesus rose from the grave
And you, you can't even get out of bed
Oh, Jesus rose from the dead
Come on, get out of your bed
How can you be so numb
Not to care if they come
You close your eyes
And pretend the job's done
You close your eyes
And pretend the job's done
Don't close your eyes
Don't pretend the jobs done
Come away, come away, come away with Me my love,
Come away, from this mess, come away with Me, my love.
So then there are those of us who know God. We know that our future is secure, that God is alive and that we are able to know Him. But we make such a poor effort of making that general knowledge! I don't think there is a single Christian who genuinely loves and knows God who wouldn't say that what they believe is by far the most important thing in their life. But don't we see- this is the most important thing for everyone! How much time have we wasted? How often are we timid and how easily do we get comfy and fall asleep to our commission? Wake up!
Asleep in the Light (Keith Green)
Do you see, do you see
All the people sinking down
Don't you care, don't you care
Are you gonna let them drown
How can you be so numb
Not to care if they come
You close your eyes
And pretend the job's done
"Oh bless me Lord, bless me Lord"
You know it's all I ever hear
No one aches, no one hurts
No one even sheds one tear
But He cries, He weeps, He bleeds
And He cares for your needs
And you just lay back
And keep soaking it in,
Oh, can't you see it's such a sin?
Cause He brings people to you door,
And you turn them away
As you smile and say,
"God bless you, be at peace"
And all heaven just weeps
Cause Jesus came to your door
You've left him out on the streets
Open up open up
And give yourself away
You see the need, you hear the cries
So how can you delay
God's calling and you're the one
But like Jonah you run
He's told you to speak
But you keep holding it in,
Oh can't you see it's such a sin?
The world is sleeping in the dark
That the church just can't fight
Cause it's asleep in the light
How can you be so dead
When you've been so well fed
Jesus rose from the grave
And you, you can't even get out of bed
Oh, Jesus rose from the dead
Come on, get out of your bed
How can you be so numb
Not to care if they come
You close your eyes
And pretend the job's done
You close your eyes
And pretend the job's done
Don't close your eyes
Don't pretend the jobs done
Come away, come away, come away with Me my love,
Come away, from this mess, come away with Me, my love.
Friday 12 December 2008
End of Term Reflections
Well, I have survived my first term of Vet Med. And I am well and truly ready for a Christmas break! The pace at Uni is ridiculous- doing all the time but never being. And I miss that! I like having time to just 'be', with nothing particular to do. I guess it's up to me to make time for that tho- something I want to try to do more of next term. Part of that is my lack of spending time being with God every day and reading His word. I got used to having a couple of hours every morning free to do that at home, but suddenly here I feel like I am trying to squash everything into a few minutes, watching the clock, waiting for whatever is coming up next. The more I settle in, the easier it gets, but I certainly realise how much difference it makes to the way I live! My love for God must be constantly growing- otherwise it is shrinking. And that is not what I want at all.
I has been a real rollercoaster of a term. Hard in lots of ways but also amazing. I am loving my course now, but a couple of weeks into the beginning of term I had serious doubts about what I was doing. The work was hard, I didn't feel as though I'd made any good friends there, and I was wondering whether I was interested enough to stick out 5 years. I'm not sure what changed- maybe it is because I have made some great friends, maybe it is that I have got back into the studying mindset, or maybe it is that I am more aware of what I can do with my degree at the end of it. Sometimes I still wish I was doing art or english or something a bit more laid back and creative. But I wouldn't change courses given the chance! I have been a bit of a slacker on the work front for the past few weeks, so I have a fair bit to do over Christmas. Generally people on my course work way too hard, though, so I reckon it is better to sway more this way than that.
I have been going to a big church in the city centre called 'Woodies' (Woodlands Church) and I feel pretty at home there now, although the size of it is still a bit strange for me. I am used to being somewhere where I am known and I know people. But here I am still a real newcomer and I don't like having to make an effort to get to know people. Still, I know that once I move out of the city in my 4th year I will likely go to quite a small church again, and so it seems good to get the experience of being part of a big chuch while I am here and have that opportunity. I would also love to get more involved in serving in some way, but I don't just want to do what I have always done for the sake of it. But anyway, things take time, and I know that by next year I will probably feeel very much part of Woodies.
It has been kind of hard to get a good balance between doing things at church or CU and spending time with people from my course or my house or societies I have joined. I have visited both extremes of neglecting one and indulging in another, but seem to have a reasonable balance now. One thing I have been challenged on is how I am supposed to live generously. With time and money especially. It is easy to become stingy about both because as a student you are lacking in both! But I need to learn that neither belong to me and so I should gladly give to people who need either of them. Time is probably harder than money- I always have things that I want to do, and if someone else asks more of my time than I expect, I am usually quick to shrug them off. But Jesus was so generous and always had time for people, so I need to as well.
It's been hard finding out while away from home that my Mum has cancer. But it has also made me realise that I already have some really good friends here and I am so thankful for them. I have realised yet again that God's power is made perfect in my weakness. I have realised that I have no choice but to lean totally and completely on God, to trust in Him alone.
I am so glad that God directs my steps and delights in every detail of my life.
I have learnt that I don't need to complicate my life unnecessarily. Keeping it simple is best.
'If I myself dominate myself, if my thoughts revolve around myself, if I am so occupied with myself I rarely have a heart at leisure from itself, then I know nothing of Calvary Love.' Amy Carmichael.
I has been a real rollercoaster of a term. Hard in lots of ways but also amazing. I am loving my course now, but a couple of weeks into the beginning of term I had serious doubts about what I was doing. The work was hard, I didn't feel as though I'd made any good friends there, and I was wondering whether I was interested enough to stick out 5 years. I'm not sure what changed- maybe it is because I have made some great friends, maybe it is that I have got back into the studying mindset, or maybe it is that I am more aware of what I can do with my degree at the end of it. Sometimes I still wish I was doing art or english or something a bit more laid back and creative. But I wouldn't change courses given the chance! I have been a bit of a slacker on the work front for the past few weeks, so I have a fair bit to do over Christmas. Generally people on my course work way too hard, though, so I reckon it is better to sway more this way than that.
I have been going to a big church in the city centre called 'Woodies' (Woodlands Church) and I feel pretty at home there now, although the size of it is still a bit strange for me. I am used to being somewhere where I am known and I know people. But here I am still a real newcomer and I don't like having to make an effort to get to know people. Still, I know that once I move out of the city in my 4th year I will likely go to quite a small church again, and so it seems good to get the experience of being part of a big chuch while I am here and have that opportunity. I would also love to get more involved in serving in some way, but I don't just want to do what I have always done for the sake of it. But anyway, things take time, and I know that by next year I will probably feeel very much part of Woodies.
It has been kind of hard to get a good balance between doing things at church or CU and spending time with people from my course or my house or societies I have joined. I have visited both extremes of neglecting one and indulging in another, but seem to have a reasonable balance now. One thing I have been challenged on is how I am supposed to live generously. With time and money especially. It is easy to become stingy about both because as a student you are lacking in both! But I need to learn that neither belong to me and so I should gladly give to people who need either of them. Time is probably harder than money- I always have things that I want to do, and if someone else asks more of my time than I expect, I am usually quick to shrug them off. But Jesus was so generous and always had time for people, so I need to as well.
It's been hard finding out while away from home that my Mum has cancer. But it has also made me realise that I already have some really good friends here and I am so thankful for them. I have realised yet again that God's power is made perfect in my weakness. I have realised that I have no choice but to lean totally and completely on God, to trust in Him alone.
I am so glad that God directs my steps and delights in every detail of my life.
I have learnt that I don't need to complicate my life unnecessarily. Keeping it simple is best.
'If I myself dominate myself, if my thoughts revolve around myself, if I am so occupied with myself I rarely have a heart at leisure from itself, then I know nothing of Calvary Love.' Amy Carmichael.
Thursday 4 December 2008
Back to Blogging
This site has become a bit of a storage space for bits of books that I like- proper blogging hasn't happened in a while. But that is about to change! I am feeling the need for some creativity in my science-filled life, so the plan is to resurrect the blog and get writing again. I don't know if I will have the time to write or anything of interest to write about, but lets give it a shot anyway.
Friday 28 November 2008
A Call to Spiritual Reformation, D. A. Carson
So much of our religion is packaged to address our felt needs - and these are almost uniformly anchored in our pursuit of our own happiness and fulfillment. God simply becomes the Great Being who, potentially at least, meets our needs and fulfills our aspirations. We think rather little of what he is like, what he expects of us, what he seeks in us. We are not captured by his holiness and love; his thoughts and words capture too little of our imagination, too little of our discourse, too few of our priorities.
What a man is alone on his knees before God, that he is, and no more. Robert Murray M'Cheyne
A mystery is not the abscence of meaning but rather the prescence of more meaning than we can understand.
What a man is alone on his knees before God, that he is, and no more. Robert Murray M'Cheyne
A mystery is not the abscence of meaning but rather the prescence of more meaning than we can understand.
Sunday 26 October 2008
What really matters...
I do want to point out, friends, that time is of the essence. There is no time to waste, so don't complicate your lives unnecessarily. Keep it simple —in marriage, grief, joy, whatever. Even in ordinary things—your daily routines of shopping, and so on. Deal as sparingly as possible with the things the world thrusts on you. This world as you see it is on its way out. 1 Cor 7:29-31 MSG
But the Lord said to her, “My dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details! There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her.” Luke 10:41-42
Jesus turned and said to Peter, "Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of men." Matt 16:23
What really matters? What is it that is taking up our thoughts and our time? What are we concerned about?
But the Lord said to her, “My dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details! There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her.” Luke 10:41-42
Jesus turned and said to Peter, "Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of men." Matt 16:23
What really matters? What is it that is taking up our thoughts and our time? What are we concerned about?
Friday 26 September 2008
The Knowledge of The Holy- A.W.Tozer
Let me seek thee in longing, let me long for thee in seeking; let me find thee in love, and love thee in finding. Anslem
The philosopher and the scientist will admit that there is much that they do not know; but that is quite another thing from admitting that there is something which they can never know, which indeed they have no technique for discovering.
To admit that there is One who lies beyond us, who exists outside of all our categories, who will not be dismissed with a name, who will not appear before the bar of our reason, nor submit to our curious inquiries: this requires a great deal of humility, more than most of us possess, so we save face by thinking God down to our level, or at least down to where we can manage Him. Yet how He eludes us! For He is everywhere while He is nowhere, for ”where” has to do with matter and space, and God is independent of both. He is unaffected by time or motion, is wholly self-dependent and owes nothing to the worlds His hands have made.
It is not a cheerful thought that millions of us who live in a land of Bibles, who belong to churches and labor to promote the Christian religion, may yet pass our whole life on this earth without once having thought or tried to think seriously about the being of God. Few of us have let our hearts gaze in wonder at the I AM, the self-existent Self back of which no creature can think. Such thoughts are too painful for us. We prefer to think where it will do more good - about how to build a better mousetrap, for instance, or how to make two blades of grass grow where one grew before. And for this we are now paying a too heavy price in the secularlzation of our religion and the decay of our inner lives.
Christians today appear to know Christ only after the flesh. They try to achieve communion with Him by divesting Him of His burning holiness and unapproachable majesty, the very attributes He veiled while on earth but assumed in fullness of glory upon His ascension to the Father’s right hand. The Christ of popular Christianity has a weak smile and a halo. He has become Someone-up-There who likes people, at least some people, and these are grateful but not too impressed. If they need Him, He also needs them.
Let us not imagine that the truth of the divine self-sufficiency will paralyse Christian activity. Rather it will stimulate all holy endeavor. This truth, while a needed rebuke to human self-confidence, will when viewed in its Biblical perspective lift from our minds the exhausting load of mortality and encourage us to take the easy yoke of Christ and spend ourselves in Spirit-inspired toil for the honor of God and the good of mankind. For the blessed news is that the God who needs no one has in sovereign condescension set Himself to work by and in and through His obedient children.
”He hath set eternity in their heart,” said the Preacher, and I think he here sets forth both the glory and the misery of men. To be made for eternity and forced to dwell in time is for mankind a tragedy of huge proportions. All within us cries for life and permanence, and everything around us reminds us of mortality and change. Yet that God has made us of the stuff of eternity is both a glory and a prophecy yet to be fulfilled.
Life is a short and fevered rehearsal for a concert we cannot stay to give. Just when we appear to have attained some proficiency we are forced to lay our instruments down. There is simply not time enough to think, to become, to perform what the constitution of our natures indicates we are capable of.
O Lord! my heart is sick,
Sick of this everlasting change;
And life runs tediously quick
Through its unresting race and varied range:
Change finds no likeness to itself in Thee
And wakes no echo in Thy mute Eternity.
Frederick W. Faber
To believe actively that our Heavenly Father constantly spreads around us providential circumstances that work for our present good and our everlasting well-being brings to the soul a veritable benediction. Most of us go through life praying a little, planning a little, jockeying for position, hoping but never being quite certain of anything, and always secretly afraid that we will miss the way. This is a tragic waste of truth and never gives rest to the heart.
There is a better way. It is to repudiate our own wisdom and take instead the infinite wisdom of God. Our insistence upon seeing ahead is natural enough, but it is a real hindrance to our spiritual progress. God has charged himself with full responsibility for our eternal happiness and stands ready to take over the management of our lives the moment we turn in faith to Him.
Here is His promise: ”And I will bring the blind by a way that they knew not; I will lead them in paths that they have not known: I will make darkness light before them, and crooked things straight. These things will I do unto them, and not forsake them.”
She [the Church] may go on dutifully to sing of the greatness of God and to recite the creed times beyond number, but her plea for mercy sounds like a forlorn hope and no more, as if mercy were a heavenly gift to be longed for but never really enjoyed. Could our failure to capture the pure joy of mercy consciously experienced be the result of our unbelief or our ignorance, or both?
We may plead for mercy for a lifetime in unbelief, and at the end of our days be still no more than sadly hopeful that we shall somewhere, sometime, receive it. This is to starve to death just outside the banquet hall in which we have been warmly invited. Or we may, if we will, lay hold on the mercy of God by faith, enter the hall, and sit down with the bold and avid souls who will not allow diffidence and unbelief to keep them from the feast of fat things prepared for them.
But the God we must see is not the utilitarian God who is having such a run of popularity today, whose chief claim to men's attention is His ability to bring them success in their various undertakings and who for that reason is being cajoled and flattered by everyone who wants a favor. The God we must learn to know is the Majesty in the heavens, God the Father Almighty, Maker of heaven and earth, the only wise God our Savior.
He it is that sitteth upon the circle of the earth, who stretcheth out the heavens as a curtain and spreadeth them out as a tent to dwell in, who bringeth out His starry host by number and calleth them all by name through the greatness of His power, who seeth the works of man as vanity, who putteth no confidence in princes and asks no counsel of kings.
The philosopher and the scientist will admit that there is much that they do not know; but that is quite another thing from admitting that there is something which they can never know, which indeed they have no technique for discovering.
To admit that there is One who lies beyond us, who exists outside of all our categories, who will not be dismissed with a name, who will not appear before the bar of our reason, nor submit to our curious inquiries: this requires a great deal of humility, more than most of us possess, so we save face by thinking God down to our level, or at least down to where we can manage Him. Yet how He eludes us! For He is everywhere while He is nowhere, for ”where” has to do with matter and space, and God is independent of both. He is unaffected by time or motion, is wholly self-dependent and owes nothing to the worlds His hands have made.
It is not a cheerful thought that millions of us who live in a land of Bibles, who belong to churches and labor to promote the Christian religion, may yet pass our whole life on this earth without once having thought or tried to think seriously about the being of God. Few of us have let our hearts gaze in wonder at the I AM, the self-existent Self back of which no creature can think. Such thoughts are too painful for us. We prefer to think where it will do more good - about how to build a better mousetrap, for instance, or how to make two blades of grass grow where one grew before. And for this we are now paying a too heavy price in the secularlzation of our religion and the decay of our inner lives.
Christians today appear to know Christ only after the flesh. They try to achieve communion with Him by divesting Him of His burning holiness and unapproachable majesty, the very attributes He veiled while on earth but assumed in fullness of glory upon His ascension to the Father’s right hand. The Christ of popular Christianity has a weak smile and a halo. He has become Someone-up-There who likes people, at least some people, and these are grateful but not too impressed. If they need Him, He also needs them.
Let us not imagine that the truth of the divine self-sufficiency will paralyse Christian activity. Rather it will stimulate all holy endeavor. This truth, while a needed rebuke to human self-confidence, will when viewed in its Biblical perspective lift from our minds the exhausting load of mortality and encourage us to take the easy yoke of Christ and spend ourselves in Spirit-inspired toil for the honor of God and the good of mankind. For the blessed news is that the God who needs no one has in sovereign condescension set Himself to work by and in and through His obedient children.
”He hath set eternity in their heart,” said the Preacher, and I think he here sets forth both the glory and the misery of men. To be made for eternity and forced to dwell in time is for mankind a tragedy of huge proportions. All within us cries for life and permanence, and everything around us reminds us of mortality and change. Yet that God has made us of the stuff of eternity is both a glory and a prophecy yet to be fulfilled.
Life is a short and fevered rehearsal for a concert we cannot stay to give. Just when we appear to have attained some proficiency we are forced to lay our instruments down. There is simply not time enough to think, to become, to perform what the constitution of our natures indicates we are capable of.
O Lord! my heart is sick,
Sick of this everlasting change;
And life runs tediously quick
Through its unresting race and varied range:
Change finds no likeness to itself in Thee
And wakes no echo in Thy mute Eternity.
Frederick W. Faber
To believe actively that our Heavenly Father constantly spreads around us providential circumstances that work for our present good and our everlasting well-being brings to the soul a veritable benediction. Most of us go through life praying a little, planning a little, jockeying for position, hoping but never being quite certain of anything, and always secretly afraid that we will miss the way. This is a tragic waste of truth and never gives rest to the heart.
There is a better way. It is to repudiate our own wisdom and take instead the infinite wisdom of God. Our insistence upon seeing ahead is natural enough, but it is a real hindrance to our spiritual progress. God has charged himself with full responsibility for our eternal happiness and stands ready to take over the management of our lives the moment we turn in faith to Him.
Here is His promise: ”And I will bring the blind by a way that they knew not; I will lead them in paths that they have not known: I will make darkness light before them, and crooked things straight. These things will I do unto them, and not forsake them.”
She [the Church] may go on dutifully to sing of the greatness of God and to recite the creed times beyond number, but her plea for mercy sounds like a forlorn hope and no more, as if mercy were a heavenly gift to be longed for but never really enjoyed. Could our failure to capture the pure joy of mercy consciously experienced be the result of our unbelief or our ignorance, or both?
We may plead for mercy for a lifetime in unbelief, and at the end of our days be still no more than sadly hopeful that we shall somewhere, sometime, receive it. This is to starve to death just outside the banquet hall in which we have been warmly invited. Or we may, if we will, lay hold on the mercy of God by faith, enter the hall, and sit down with the bold and avid souls who will not allow diffidence and unbelief to keep them from the feast of fat things prepared for them.
But the God we must see is not the utilitarian God who is having such a run of popularity today, whose chief claim to men's attention is His ability to bring them success in their various undertakings and who for that reason is being cajoled and flattered by everyone who wants a favor. The God we must learn to know is the Majesty in the heavens, God the Father Almighty, Maker of heaven and earth, the only wise God our Savior.
He it is that sitteth upon the circle of the earth, who stretcheth out the heavens as a curtain and spreadeth them out as a tent to dwell in, who bringeth out His starry host by number and calleth them all by name through the greatness of His power, who seeth the works of man as vanity, who putteth no confidence in princes and asks no counsel of kings.
Thursday 25 September 2008
I Will Go
To the desperate eyes and reaching hands
To the suffering and the lean
To the ones the world has cast aside
Where you want me I will be
I will go
I will go
I will go Lord send me
To the world
To the lost
To the poor and hungry
Take everything I am
Clay within your hands
I will go
I will go
Send me
Let me not be blind with privilege
Give me eyes to seek the pain
Let the blessing You've poured out on me
Not be spent on me in vain
Let this life be used for change
I wanna live for you
Go where you lead me
I wanna follow you
I wanna live for you
Go where you lead me
I wanna follow you
I wanna live for you
Go where you lead me
I wanna follow you
Wednesday 10 September 2008
Count Zinzendorf and Smith Wigglesworth
“I have one passion: it is Jesus, Jesus only." Zinzendorf
“This have I done for thee; what doest thou for Me?” Zinzendorf
“Faith is better than feelings and if you have faith, you will have all the feelings you can feel.” Wigglesworth
“I am satisfied with the dissatisfaction that never rests until it is satisfied and satisfied again.” Wigglesworth
“I am destined by the Lord to proclaim the message of the death and blood of Jesus, not with human wisdom, but with divine power, unmindful of personal consequences to myself.” Zinzendorf
“This have I done for thee; what doest thou for Me?” Zinzendorf
“Faith is better than feelings and if you have faith, you will have all the feelings you can feel.” Wigglesworth
“I am satisfied with the dissatisfaction that never rests until it is satisfied and satisfied again.” Wigglesworth
“I am destined by the Lord to proclaim the message of the death and blood of Jesus, not with human wisdom, but with divine power, unmindful of personal consequences to myself.” Zinzendorf
Tuesday 9 September 2008
Grace
"A thousand times I've failed,
Still Your mercy remains.
And should I stumble again,
Still I'm caught in Your Grace.
My heart and my soul,
I give you control,
Consume me from the inside out...
To love You from the inside out."
"If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weaknesses." 2 Corinthians 11:30
"For some reason, people accept Jesus as Lord before they accept Him as Saviour. It is easier to comprehend His power than His mercy. We'll celebrate the empty tomb long before we'll kneel at the cross. We, like Thomas, would die for Christ before we'd let Christ die for us." In the Grip of Grace
"Mercy understood is holiness desired." In the Grip of Grace
"For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and Him crucified." 1 Corinthians 2:2
"God would prefer we had an occasional limp than a perpetual strut." In the Grip of Grace
"God has every right to say no to us. We have every reason to say thanks to Him." In the Grip of Grace
"The heartbeat of our faith is not achieving great things for God, nor is it doing great things with God. Our deepest longing is to simply be with God, to know Him as Friend and Father, to trust Him as Saviour and thus, to obey Him as Lord." The Vision, The Vow
"He who is forgiven little, loves little." Luke 7:47
"Do not rejoice in this, that the spirits are subject to you, but rejoice that your names are written in heaven." Luke 10:20
"The Pharisee, standing by himself, prayed thus: 'God, I thank you that I am not like other men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week; I give tithes of all that I get.' But the tax collector, standing far off, would not even lift up his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, 'God, be merciful to me, a sinner.' I tell you, this man went down to his house justified, rather than the other." Luke 18:11-14
"When the Lord your God brings you into the land he swore to your fathers, to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, to give you—a land with large, flourishing cities YOU DID NOT BUILD, houses filled with all kinds of good things YOU DID NOT PROVIDE, wells YOU DID NOT DIG, and vineyards and olive groves YOU DID NOT PLANT- when you eat and are satisfied, be careful that you do not forget the Lord, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery." Deuteronomy 6:10-12
Still Your mercy remains.
And should I stumble again,
Still I'm caught in Your Grace.
My heart and my soul,
I give you control,
Consume me from the inside out...
To love You from the inside out."
"If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weaknesses." 2 Corinthians 11:30
"For some reason, people accept Jesus as Lord before they accept Him as Saviour. It is easier to comprehend His power than His mercy. We'll celebrate the empty tomb long before we'll kneel at the cross. We, like Thomas, would die for Christ before we'd let Christ die for us." In the Grip of Grace
"Mercy understood is holiness desired." In the Grip of Grace
"For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and Him crucified." 1 Corinthians 2:2
"God would prefer we had an occasional limp than a perpetual strut." In the Grip of Grace
"God has every right to say no to us. We have every reason to say thanks to Him." In the Grip of Grace
"The heartbeat of our faith is not achieving great things for God, nor is it doing great things with God. Our deepest longing is to simply be with God, to know Him as Friend and Father, to trust Him as Saviour and thus, to obey Him as Lord." The Vision, The Vow
"He who is forgiven little, loves little." Luke 7:47
"Do not rejoice in this, that the spirits are subject to you, but rejoice that your names are written in heaven." Luke 10:20
"The Pharisee, standing by himself, prayed thus: 'God, I thank you that I am not like other men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week; I give tithes of all that I get.' But the tax collector, standing far off, would not even lift up his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, 'God, be merciful to me, a sinner.' I tell you, this man went down to his house justified, rather than the other." Luke 18:11-14
"When the Lord your God brings you into the land he swore to your fathers, to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, to give you—a land with large, flourishing cities YOU DID NOT BUILD, houses filled with all kinds of good things YOU DID NOT PROVIDE, wells YOU DID NOT DIG, and vineyards and olive groves YOU DID NOT PLANT- when you eat and are satisfied, be careful that you do not forget the Lord, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery." Deuteronomy 6:10-12
Wednesday 18 June 2008
"The Pilgrim's Regress" C.S. Lewis
"“The experience is one of intense longing. It is distinguished from other longings by two things. In the first place, though the sense of want is acute and even painful, yet the mere wanting is felt to be somehow a delight. Other desires are felt as pleasures only if satisfaction is expected in the near future: hunger is pleasant only while we know (or believe) that we are soon going to eat. But this desire, even when there is no hope of possible satisfaction, continues to be prized, and even to be preferred to anything else in the world, by those who have once felt it. This hunger is better than any other fullness; this poverty better than all other wealth. And thus it comes about, that if the desire is long absent, it may itself be desired, and that new desiring becomes a new instance of the original desire, though the subject may not at once recognize the fact and thus cries out for his lost youth of soul at the very moment in which he is being rejuvenated. This sounds complicated, but it is simple when we live it. ‘Oh to feel as I did then!’ we cry; not noticing that even while we say the words the very feeling whose loss we lament is rising again in all its old bitter-sweetness. For this sweet Desire cuts across our ordinary distinctions between wanting and having. To have it is, by definition, a want: to want it, we find, is to have it."
"Sense is easy, Reason is hard. Sense knows where to stop with gracious inconsistency, while Reason slavishly follows an abstract logic whither she knows not. The one seeks comfort and finds it, the other seeks truth and is still seeking.... She is a fanatic who has never learned from my master to pursue the golden mean, and, being a mortal, to think mortal thought."
'It is like a thorn in your finger, sir. You know when you set about taking it out yourself - you mean to get it out - you know it will hurt - and it does hurt - but somehow it is not very serious business - well, I suppose, because you feel that you always could stop if it was very bad. Not that you intend to stop. But it is a very different thing to hold your hand out to a surgeon to be hurt as much as he thinks fit. And at his speed.'
The Man laughed. 'I see you understand me very well,' He said, 'but the great thing is to get the thorn out.'
"Sense is easy, Reason is hard. Sense knows where to stop with gracious inconsistency, while Reason slavishly follows an abstract logic whither she knows not. The one seeks comfort and finds it, the other seeks truth and is still seeking.... She is a fanatic who has never learned from my master to pursue the golden mean, and, being a mortal, to think mortal thought."
'It is like a thorn in your finger, sir. You know when you set about taking it out yourself - you mean to get it out - you know it will hurt - and it does hurt - but somehow it is not very serious business - well, I suppose, because you feel that you always could stop if it was very bad. Not that you intend to stop. But it is a very different thing to hold your hand out to a surgeon to be hurt as much as he thinks fit. And at his speed.'
The Man laughed. 'I see you understand me very well,' He said, 'but the great thing is to get the thorn out.'
Thursday 12 June 2008
'The Great Divorce' CS Lewis
“Will you come with me to the mountains? It will hurt at first, until your feet are hardened. Reality is harsh to the feet of shadows. But will you come?” “Well, that is a plan. I am perfectly ready to consider it. Of course I should require some assurances … I should want a guarantee that you are taking me to a place where I shall find a wider sphere of usefulness – and scope for the talent that God has given me – and an atmosphere of free inquiry – in short, all that one means by civilisation and – er – the spiritual life.” “No,” said the other. “I can promise you none of these things. No sphere of usefulness: you are not needed there at all. No scope for your talents: only forgiveness for having perverted them. No atmosphere of inquiry, for I will bring you to the land not of questions but of answers, and you shall see the face of God.” “Ah, but we must all interpret those beautiful words in our own way! For me there is no such thing as a final answer. The free wind of inquiry must always continue to blow through the mind, must it not? ‘Prove all things’ … to travel hopefully is better than to arrive.”
"If that were true, and known to be true, how could anyone travel hopefully? There would be nothing to hope for."
"But you must feel yourself that there is something stifling about the idea of finality? Stagnation, my dear boy, what is more soul-destroying than stagnation?"
"You think that, because hitherto you have experienced truth only with the abstract intellect. I will bring you where you can taste it like honey and be embraced by it as by a bridegroom. Your thirst shall be quenched."
"Once you were a child. Once you knew what inquiry was for. There was a time when you asked questions because you wanted answers, and were glad when you had found them. Become that child again: even now."
"There have been men before now who got so interested in proving the existence of God that they came to care nothing for God Himself...as if the good Lord had nothing to do but exist! There have been some who were so occupied in spreading Christianity that they never gave a thought to Christ. Man! Ye see it in smaller matters. Did ye never know a lover of books that with all his first editions and signed copies had lost the power to read them? Or an organiser of charities that had lost all love for the poor? It is the subtlest of all the snares."
"There are only two kinds of people in the end: those who say to God, ‘Thy will be done,’ and those to whom God says, in the end, ‘Thy will be done.’ All that are in Hell, choose it. Without that self-choice there could be no Hell. No soul that seriously and constantly desires joy will ever miss it. Those who seek find. To those who knock it is opened."
"Those who hate goodness are sometimes nearer than those that know nothing at all about it and think they have it already."
"If that were true, and known to be true, how could anyone travel hopefully? There would be nothing to hope for."
"But you must feel yourself that there is something stifling about the idea of finality? Stagnation, my dear boy, what is more soul-destroying than stagnation?"
"You think that, because hitherto you have experienced truth only with the abstract intellect. I will bring you where you can taste it like honey and be embraced by it as by a bridegroom. Your thirst shall be quenched."
"Once you were a child. Once you knew what inquiry was for. There was a time when you asked questions because you wanted answers, and were glad when you had found them. Become that child again: even now."
"There have been men before now who got so interested in proving the existence of God that they came to care nothing for God Himself...as if the good Lord had nothing to do but exist! There have been some who were so occupied in spreading Christianity that they never gave a thought to Christ. Man! Ye see it in smaller matters. Did ye never know a lover of books that with all his first editions and signed copies had lost the power to read them? Or an organiser of charities that had lost all love for the poor? It is the subtlest of all the snares."
"There are only two kinds of people in the end: those who say to God, ‘Thy will be done,’ and those to whom God says, in the end, ‘Thy will be done.’ All that are in Hell, choose it. Without that self-choice there could be no Hell. No soul that seriously and constantly desires joy will ever miss it. Those who seek find. To those who knock it is opened."
"Those who hate goodness are sometimes nearer than those that know nothing at all about it and think they have it already."
Stuff...
"‘May God bless us with discomfort... at easy answers and half truths, and superficial relationships, so that we may live deep within our hearts.
May God bless us with anger… at injustice, oppression and exploitation of people, so that we may work for justice, freedom and peace.
May God bless us with tears…to shed for those who suffer from pain, rejection, starvation and war, so that we may reach out our hands to comfort them, and turn their pain into joy.
And may God bless us with enough foolishness…. to believe that we can make a difference in this world, so that we can to what others claim cannot be done.
Amen."
"This every soul seeketh and for the sake of this doth all her actions, having an inkling that it is; but what it is she cannot sufficiently discern, and she knoweth not her way, and concerning this she hath no constant assurance as she hath of other things." Plato
May God bless us with anger… at injustice, oppression and exploitation of people, so that we may work for justice, freedom and peace.
May God bless us with tears…to shed for those who suffer from pain, rejection, starvation and war, so that we may reach out our hands to comfort them, and turn their pain into joy.
And may God bless us with enough foolishness…. to believe that we can make a difference in this world, so that we can to what others claim cannot be done.
Amen."
"This every soul seeketh and for the sake of this doth all her actions, having an inkling that it is; but what it is she cannot sufficiently discern, and she knoweth not her way, and concerning this she hath no constant assurance as she hath of other things." Plato
Monday 2 June 2008
The Brothers Karamazov by Dostoyevsky
…to my thinking, miracles are never a stumbling-block to the realist. It is not miracles that dispose realists to belief. The genuine realist, if he is an unbeliever, will always find strength and ability to disbelieve in the miraculous, and if he is confronted with a miracle as an irrefutable fact he would rather disbelieve his own senses than admit the fact. Even if he admits it, he admits it as a fact of nature till then unrecognized by him. Faith does not, in the realist, spring from the miracle but the miracle from faith. If the realist once believes, then he is bound by his very realism to admit the miraculous also. The Apostle Thomas said that he would not believe till he saw, but when he did see he said, “My Lord and my God!” Was it the miracle forced him to believe? Most likely not, but he believed solely because he desired to believe and possibly he fully believed in his secret heart even when he said, “I do not believe till I see.
...he (Alyosha) was to some extent a youth of our last epoch -- that is, honest in nature, desiring the truth, seeking for it and believing in it, and seeking to serve it at once with all the strength of his soul, seeking for immediate action, and ready to sacrifice everything, life itself, for it. Though these young men unhappily fail to understand that the sacrifice of life is, in many cases, the easiest of all sacrifices, and that to sacrifice, for instance, five or six years of their seething youth to hard and tedious study, if only to multiply tenfold their powers of serving the truth and the cause they have set before them as their goal such a sacrifice is utterly beyond the strength of many of them. The path Alyosha chose was a path going in the opposite direction, but he chose it with the same thirst for swift achievement. As soon as he reflected seriously he was convinced of the existence of God and immortality, and at once he instinctively said to himself: "I want to live for immortality, and I will accept no compromise." In the same way, if he had decided that God and immortality did not exist, he would at once have become an atheist and a socialist.
What was such an elder? An elder was one who took your soul, your will, into his soul and his will. When you choose an elder, you renounce your own will and yield it to him in complete submission, complete self-abnegation. This novitiate, this terrible school of abnegation, is undertaken voluntarily, in the hope of self-conquest, of self-mastery, in order, after a life of obedience, to attain perfect freedom, that is, from self; to escape the lot of those who have lived their whole life without finding their true selves in themselves.
You see, I shut my eyes and ask myself if everyone has faith, where did it come from? And then they do say that it all comes from terror at the menacing phenomena of nature, and that none of it’s real. And I say to myself, ‘What if I’ve been believing all my life, and when I come to die there’s nothing but the burdocks growing on my grave?’ as I read in some author. It’s awful! How — how can I get back my faith? But I only believed when I was a little child, mechanically, without thinking of anything. How, how is one to prove it? I have come now to lay my soul before you and to ask you about it. If I let this chance slip, no one all my life will answer me. How can I prove it? How can I convince myself? Oh, how unhappy I am! I stand and look about me and see that scarcely anyone else cares; no one troubles his head about it, and I’m the only one who can’t stand it. It’s deadly — deadly!
‘I love humanity,’ he said, ‘but I wonder at myself. The more I love humanity in general, the less I love man in particular. In my dreams,’ he said, ‘I have often come to making enthusiastic schemes for the service of humanity, and perhaps I might actually have faced crucifixion if it had been suddenly necessary; and yet I am incapable of living in the same room with anyone for two days together, as I know by experience. As soon as anyone is near me, his personality disturbs my self-complacency and restricts my freedom. In twenty-four hours I begin to hate the best of men: one because he’s too long over his dinner; another because he has a cold and keeps on blowing his nose. I become hostile to people the moment they come close to me. But it has always happened that the more I detest men individually the more ardent becomes my love for humanity.’
What seems to you bad within you will grow purer from the very fact of your observing it in yourself.
And what's strange, what would be marvellous, is not that God should really exist; the marvel is that such an idea, the idea of the necessity of God, could enter the head of such a savage, vicious beast as man. So holy it is, so touching, so wise and so great a credit it does to man.
...the stupider one is, the closer one is to reality. The stupider one is, the clearer one is. Stupidity is brief and artless, while intelligence wriggles and hides itself. Intelligence is a knave, but stupidity is honest and straight forward.
So long as man remains free he strives for nothing so incessantly and so painfully as to find someone to worship.
For the secret of man's being is not only to live but to have something to live for.
The monastic way is very different. Obedience, fasting, and prayer are laughed at, yet only through them lies the way to real, true freedom. I cut off my superfluous and unnecessary desires, I subdue my proud and wanton will and chastise it with obedience, and with God's help I attain freedom of spirit and with it spiritual joy. Which is most capable of conceiving a great idea and serving it- the rich in his isolation or the man who has freed himself from the tyranny of material things and habits? The monk is reproached for his solitude, "You have secluded yourself within the walls of the monastery for your own salvation, and have forgotten the brotherly service of humanity!" But we shall see which will be most zealous in the cause of brotherly love. For it is not we, but they, who are in isolation, though they don't see that.
Why, the isolation that prevails everywhere, above all in our age- it has not fully developed, it has not reached its limit yet. For every one strives to keep his individuality as apart as possible, wishes to secure the greatest possible fulness of life for himself; but meantime all his efforts result not in attaining fulness of life but self-destruction, for instead of self-realisation he ends by arriving at complete solitude. All mankind in our age have split up into units, they all keep apart, each in his own groove; each one holds aloof, hides himself and hides what he has, from the rest, and he ends by being repelled by others and repelling them. He heaps up riches by himself and thinks, 'how strong I am now and how secure,' and in his madness he does not understand that the more he heaps up, the more he sinks into self-destructive impotence. For he is accustomed to rely upon himself alone and to cut himself off from the whole; he has trained himself not to believe in the help of others, in men and in humanity, and only trembles for fear he should lose his money and the privileges that he has won for himself. Everywhere in these days men have, in their mockery, ceased to understand that the true security is to be found in social solidarity rather than in isolated individual effort. But this terrible individualism must inevitably have an end, and all will suddenly understand how unnaturally they are separated from one another.
"Gentlemen of the jury," began the prosecutor, "this case has made a stir throughout Russia. But what is there to wonder at, what is there so peculiarly horrifying in it for us? We are so accustomed to such crimes! That's what's so horrible, that such dark deeds have ceased to horrify us. What ought to horrify us is that we are so accustomed to it, and not this or that isolated crime. What are the causes of our indifference, our lukewarm attitude to such deeds, to such signs of the times, ominous of an unenviable future? Is it our cynicism, is it the premature exhaustion of intellect and imagination in a society that is sinking into decay, in spite of its youth? Is it that our moral principles are shattered to their foundations, or is it, perhaps, a complete lack of such principles among us? I cannot answer such questions; nevertheless they are disturbing, and every citizen not only must, but ought to be harassed by them."
"Look how our young people commit suicide, without asking themselves Hamlet's question what there is beyond, without a sign of such a question, as though all that relates to the soul and to what awaits us beyond the grave had long been erased in their minds and buried under the sands."
...he (Alyosha) was to some extent a youth of our last epoch -- that is, honest in nature, desiring the truth, seeking for it and believing in it, and seeking to serve it at once with all the strength of his soul, seeking for immediate action, and ready to sacrifice everything, life itself, for it. Though these young men unhappily fail to understand that the sacrifice of life is, in many cases, the easiest of all sacrifices, and that to sacrifice, for instance, five or six years of their seething youth to hard and tedious study, if only to multiply tenfold their powers of serving the truth and the cause they have set before them as their goal such a sacrifice is utterly beyond the strength of many of them. The path Alyosha chose was a path going in the opposite direction, but he chose it with the same thirst for swift achievement. As soon as he reflected seriously he was convinced of the existence of God and immortality, and at once he instinctively said to himself: "I want to live for immortality, and I will accept no compromise." In the same way, if he had decided that God and immortality did not exist, he would at once have become an atheist and a socialist.
What was such an elder? An elder was one who took your soul, your will, into his soul and his will. When you choose an elder, you renounce your own will and yield it to him in complete submission, complete self-abnegation. This novitiate, this terrible school of abnegation, is undertaken voluntarily, in the hope of self-conquest, of self-mastery, in order, after a life of obedience, to attain perfect freedom, that is, from self; to escape the lot of those who have lived their whole life without finding their true selves in themselves.
You see, I shut my eyes and ask myself if everyone has faith, where did it come from? And then they do say that it all comes from terror at the menacing phenomena of nature, and that none of it’s real. And I say to myself, ‘What if I’ve been believing all my life, and when I come to die there’s nothing but the burdocks growing on my grave?’ as I read in some author. It’s awful! How — how can I get back my faith? But I only believed when I was a little child, mechanically, without thinking of anything. How, how is one to prove it? I have come now to lay my soul before you and to ask you about it. If I let this chance slip, no one all my life will answer me. How can I prove it? How can I convince myself? Oh, how unhappy I am! I stand and look about me and see that scarcely anyone else cares; no one troubles his head about it, and I’m the only one who can’t stand it. It’s deadly — deadly!
No doubt. But there’s no proving it, though you can be convinced of it.
In short, I am a hired servant, I expect my payment at once — that is, praise, and the repayment of love with love. Otherwise I am incapable of loving anyone.‘I love humanity,’ he said, ‘but I wonder at myself. The more I love humanity in general, the less I love man in particular. In my dreams,’ he said, ‘I have often come to making enthusiastic schemes for the service of humanity, and perhaps I might actually have faced crucifixion if it had been suddenly necessary; and yet I am incapable of living in the same room with anyone for two days together, as I know by experience. As soon as anyone is near me, his personality disturbs my self-complacency and restricts my freedom. In twenty-four hours I begin to hate the best of men: one because he’s too long over his dinner; another because he has a cold and keeps on blowing his nose. I become hostile to people the moment they come close to me. But it has always happened that the more I detest men individually the more ardent becomes my love for humanity.’
What seems to you bad within you will grow purer from the very fact of your observing it in yourself.
And what's strange, what would be marvellous, is not that God should really exist; the marvel is that such an idea, the idea of the necessity of God, could enter the head of such a savage, vicious beast as man. So holy it is, so touching, so wise and so great a credit it does to man.
...the stupider one is, the closer one is to reality. The stupider one is, the clearer one is. Stupidity is brief and artless, while intelligence wriggles and hides itself. Intelligence is a knave, but stupidity is honest and straight forward.
So long as man remains free he strives for nothing so incessantly and so painfully as to find someone to worship.
For the secret of man's being is not only to live but to have something to live for.
The monastic way is very different. Obedience, fasting, and prayer are laughed at, yet only through them lies the way to real, true freedom. I cut off my superfluous and unnecessary desires, I subdue my proud and wanton will and chastise it with obedience, and with God's help I attain freedom of spirit and with it spiritual joy. Which is most capable of conceiving a great idea and serving it- the rich in his isolation or the man who has freed himself from the tyranny of material things and habits? The monk is reproached for his solitude, "You have secluded yourself within the walls of the monastery for your own salvation, and have forgotten the brotherly service of humanity!" But we shall see which will be most zealous in the cause of brotherly love. For it is not we, but they, who are in isolation, though they don't see that.
Why, the isolation that prevails everywhere, above all in our age- it has not fully developed, it has not reached its limit yet. For every one strives to keep his individuality as apart as possible, wishes to secure the greatest possible fulness of life for himself; but meantime all his efforts result not in attaining fulness of life but self-destruction, for instead of self-realisation he ends by arriving at complete solitude. All mankind in our age have split up into units, they all keep apart, each in his own groove; each one holds aloof, hides himself and hides what he has, from the rest, and he ends by being repelled by others and repelling them. He heaps up riches by himself and thinks, 'how strong I am now and how secure,' and in his madness he does not understand that the more he heaps up, the more he sinks into self-destructive impotence. For he is accustomed to rely upon himself alone and to cut himself off from the whole; he has trained himself not to believe in the help of others, in men and in humanity, and only trembles for fear he should lose his money and the privileges that he has won for himself. Everywhere in these days men have, in their mockery, ceased to understand that the true security is to be found in social solidarity rather than in isolated individual effort. But this terrible individualism must inevitably have an end, and all will suddenly understand how unnaturally they are separated from one another.
"Gentlemen of the jury," began the prosecutor, "this case has made a stir throughout Russia. But what is there to wonder at, what is there so peculiarly horrifying in it for us? We are so accustomed to such crimes! That's what's so horrible, that such dark deeds have ceased to horrify us. What ought to horrify us is that we are so accustomed to it, and not this or that isolated crime. What are the causes of our indifference, our lukewarm attitude to such deeds, to such signs of the times, ominous of an unenviable future? Is it our cynicism, is it the premature exhaustion of intellect and imagination in a society that is sinking into decay, in spite of its youth? Is it that our moral principles are shattered to their foundations, or is it, perhaps, a complete lack of such principles among us? I cannot answer such questions; nevertheless they are disturbing, and every citizen not only must, but ought to be harassed by them."
"Look how our young people commit suicide, without asking themselves Hamlet's question what there is beyond, without a sign of such a question, as though all that relates to the soul and to what awaits us beyond the grave had long been erased in their minds and buried under the sands."
Lifehouse's Everything Skit
Find Me Here
Speak To Me
I want to feel you
I need to hear you
You are the light
That's leading me
To the place where I find peace again.
You are the strength, that keeps me walking.
You are the hope, that keeps me trusting.
You are the light to my soul.
You are my purpose...you're everything.
How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
You calm the storms, and you give me rest.
You hold me in your hands, you won't let me fall.
You steal my heart, and you take my breath away.
Would you take me in? Take me deeper now?
How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
Cause you're all I want, You're all I need
You're everything,everything
You're all I want your all I need
You're everything, everything.
You're all I want you're all I need.
You're everything, everything
You're all I want you're all I need, you're everything, everything.
And How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
White As Snow
Have mercy on me, oh God
According to Your unfailing love
According to Your great compassion
Blot out my transgressions
Create in me a clean heart, oh God
Restore in me the joy of Your salvation
The sacrifices of our God are a broken and a contrite heart
Against You and You alond have I sinned
Would You create in me a clean heart, oh God
Restore in me the joy of my salvation
Wash me white as snow
And I will be made whole
Wash me white as snow
And I will be made whole
Random Quotes
"Disturb us, Lord, when we are too well pleased with ourselves, when our dreams have become true because we dreamed too little, when we arrive safely because we have sailed too close to the shore. Disturb us, Lord." Sir Francis Drake
"Now therefore, if I have found favor in your sight, please me now your ways, that I may know you in order to find favor in your sight. Consider too that this nation is your people." And he said, "My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest." And he said to him, "If your presence will not go with me, do not bring us up from here. For how shall it be known that I have found favor in your sight, I and your people? Is it not in your going with us, that we are distinct, I and your people, from every other people on the face of the earth?"
And the LORD said to Moses, "This very thing that you have spoken I will do, for you have found favor in my sight, and I know you by name." Moses said, "Please show me your glory." Exodus 33:13-18
"Faith is not some weak and pitiful emotion, but is strong and vigorous confidence built on the fact that God is holy love. And even though you cannot see Him right now and cannot understand what He is doing, you know Him. Disaster occurs in your life when you lack the mental composure that comes from establishing yourself on the eternal truth that God is holy love. Faith is the supreme effort of your life— throwing yourself with abandon and total confidence upon God." My Utmost for His Highest, May 8th
"Everything is made to centre upon the initial act of 'accepting Christ' (a term, incidentally, which is not found in the Bible) and we are not thereafter expected to crave any further revelation of God to our souls."
"There are some who will not be content with shallow logic. They will admit the force of the argument and then turn away with tears to some lonely place and pray, 'O God, show me thy glory!' They want to taste, to touch with their hearts, to see with their inner eyes the wonder that is God."
"The evil habit of seeking 'God-and' effectively prevents us from finding God in full revelation."
"Ignoble contentment takes the place of burning zeal. We are satisfied to rest in our judicial posessions and, for the most part, we bother ourselves very little about the abscence of personal experience."
"God is so vastly wonderful, so utterly and completely delightful, that He can, without anything other than Himself, meet and overflow the deepest demands of our total nature."
"The answer usually given, simply that we are `cold,' will not explain all the facts. There is something more serious than coldness of heart, something that may be back of that coldness and be the cause of its existence. What is it? What but the presence of a veil in out hearts? a veil not taken away as the first veil was, but which remains there still shutting out the light and hiding the face of God from us. It is the veil of our fleshly fallen nature living on, unjudged within us, uncrucified and unrepudiated. It is the close- woven veil of the self-life which we have never truly acknowledged, of which we have been secretly ashamed, and which for these reasons we have never brought to the judgment of the cross. It is not too mysterious, this opaque veil, nor is it hard to identify. We have but to look in our own hearts and we shall see it there, sewn and patched and repaired it may be, but there nevertheless, an enemy to our lives and an effective block to our spiritual progress.
"We should never forget how quite unworthy we were to be rewarded of God and honoured of men, and remember that naught in this world is worhty to be desired save only His mercy" Kristin Lavransdatter, Mistress of Husaby, Singrid Undset
"You have said, Seek My face [inquire for and require My presence as your vital need]. My heart says to You, Your face (Your presence), Lord, will I seek, inquire for, and require [of necessity and on the authority of Your Word]." Psalm 27:8
"Thus, dear reader, if you have come this far and have found your own faith undermined- as I hope- I am willing to say that to some extent I know what you are going through."
"We believe with certainty that an ethical life can be lived without religion. And we know for a fact that the corollary holds true - that religion has caused innumerable people not just to conduct themselves no better than others, but award themselves permission to behave in ways that would make a brothel-keeper or an ethnic cleanser raise an eyebrow." God is Not Great, Christopher Hitchens
"Now therefore, if I have found favor in your sight, please me now your ways, that I may know you in order to find favor in your sight. Consider too that this nation is your people." And he said, "My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest." And he said to him, "If your presence will not go with me, do not bring us up from here. For how shall it be known that I have found favor in your sight, I and your people? Is it not in your going with us, that we are distinct, I and your people, from every other people on the face of the earth?"
And the LORD said to Moses, "This very thing that you have spoken I will do, for you have found favor in my sight, and I know you by name." Moses said, "Please show me your glory." Exodus 33:13-18
"A God chaser is someone whose hunger exceeds his grasp.
They are not interested in camping out on some dusty truth known to everyone. They are after the fresh presence of the Almighty. Sometimes their pursuit raises the eyebrows of the existing church, but usually they lead the church from a place of dryness back into the place of His presence. If you are a God chaser, you won’t be happy to simply follow God’s tracks. You will follow them until you apprehend His presence.
They are not content just to study God’s trail, His truths; they want to know Him. They want to know where He is and what He is doing right now. They don’t just want to study from the mouldy pages of what God has done. They are anxious to see what God is doing.
“I’m not asking you how much you know about Me. I want to ask you, ‘Do you really know Me? Do you really want Me?’”
It is simply not enough to know about God. We have churches filled with people who can win Bible trivia contests but who don’t know Him.
People are sick of the church because the church has been somewhat less than what the Book advertised. But they are also hungry for God.
Hunger means you are dissatisfied with the way it has been because it has forced you to live without Him and His fullness.
I am not happy. Why? Because I know what can happen. I know there is far more than anything we have seen or hoped for yet, and it has become a holy obsession. I want God. I want more of Him.
How long has it been since your shadow healed somebody? How long has it been since your mere presence in a room caused people to say, “I’ve got to get right with God!”?" The God Chasers, Timmy Tenney
"Faith is not some weak and pitiful emotion, but is strong and vigorous confidence built on the fact that God is holy love. And even though you cannot see Him right now and cannot understand what He is doing, you know Him. Disaster occurs in your life when you lack the mental composure that comes from establishing yourself on the eternal truth that God is holy love. Faith is the supreme effort of your life— throwing yourself with abandon and total confidence upon God." My Utmost for His Highest, May 8th
"Everything is made to centre upon the initial act of 'accepting Christ' (a term, incidentally, which is not found in the Bible) and we are not thereafter expected to crave any further revelation of God to our souls."
"There are some who will not be content with shallow logic. They will admit the force of the argument and then turn away with tears to some lonely place and pray, 'O God, show me thy glory!' They want to taste, to touch with their hearts, to see with their inner eyes the wonder that is God."
"The evil habit of seeking 'God-and' effectively prevents us from finding God in full revelation."
"Ignoble contentment takes the place of burning zeal. We are satisfied to rest in our judicial posessions and, for the most part, we bother ourselves very little about the abscence of personal experience."
"God is so vastly wonderful, so utterly and completely delightful, that He can, without anything other than Himself, meet and overflow the deepest demands of our total nature."
"The answer usually given, simply that we are `cold,' will not explain all the facts. There is something more serious than coldness of heart, something that may be back of that coldness and be the cause of its existence. What is it? What but the presence of a veil in out hearts? a veil not taken away as the first veil was, but which remains there still shutting out the light and hiding the face of God from us. It is the veil of our fleshly fallen nature living on, unjudged within us, uncrucified and unrepudiated. It is the close- woven veil of the self-life which we have never truly acknowledged, of which we have been secretly ashamed, and which for these reasons we have never brought to the judgment of the cross. It is not too mysterious, this opaque veil, nor is it hard to identify. We have but to look in our own hearts and we shall see it there, sewn and patched and repaired it may be, but there nevertheless, an enemy to our lives and an effective block to our spiritual progress.
This veil is not a beautiful thing and it is not a thing about which we commonly care to talk, but I am addressing the thirsting souls who are determined to follow God, and I know they will not turn back because the way leads temporarily through the blackened hills. The urge of God within them will assure their continuing the pursuit. They will face the facts however unpleasant and endure the cross for the joy set before them. So I am bold to mane the threads out of which this inner veil is woven. It is woven of the fine threads of the self-life, the hyphenated sins of the human spirit. They are not something we do, they are something we are, and therein lies both their subtlety and their power.
To be specific, the self-sins are these: self-righteousness, self-pity, self-confidence, self-sufficiency, self-admiration, self-love and a host of others like them. They dwell too deep within us and are too much a part of our natures to come to our attention till the light of God is focused upon them. The grosser manifestations of these sins, egotism, exhibitionism, self-promotion, are strangely tolerated in Christian leaders even in circles of impeccable orthodoxy. They are so much in evidence as actually, form any people, to become identified with the gospel. I trust it is not a cynical observation to say that they appear these days to be a requisite for popularity in some sections of the Church visible. Promoting self under the guise of promoting Christ is currently so common as to excite little notice."
"We should never forget how quite unworthy we were to be rewarded of God and honoured of men, and remember that naught in this world is worhty to be desired save only His mercy" Kristin Lavransdatter, Mistress of Husaby, Singrid Undset
"You have said, Seek My face [inquire for and require My presence as your vital need]. My heart says to You, Your face (Your presence), Lord, will I seek, inquire for, and require [of necessity and on the authority of Your Word]." Psalm 27:8
"Thus, dear reader, if you have come this far and have found your own faith undermined- as I hope- I am willing to say that to some extent I know what you are going through."
"We believe with certainty that an ethical life can be lived without religion. And we know for a fact that the corollary holds true - that religion has caused innumerable people not just to conduct themselves no better than others, but award themselves permission to behave in ways that would make a brothel-keeper or an ethnic cleanser raise an eyebrow." God is Not Great, Christopher Hitchens
Wednesday 9 April 2008
The photo montage that we made for the Oasis Chennai staff as a parting gift. Many sleepless nights were spent on this!
Our last Vyasarpadi fun club. Who needs games when you have balloons?!
Super-cute Balwadi girl (Ninthiya) dancing away to the music of the new cassette player!
Us with Vijay post-cake fight.
One of my favourite dinners: white rice, samba and fish fry. Delicious!
At MGM Dizzee World- Devika taking centre stage as always.
Our leaving party at the office. We were playing some ridiculously frustrating dice game that I just didn't get.
The Balwadi teachers with their cassette player...and don't they look thrilled!
The office after an honest morning's work covering it with post-it notes (this is just a small section of the total masterpiece!)
It's all about Aneka.
I intended to finish this blog off as soon as I arrived home, but somehow a million other things took priority and I never got around to it. But leaving stuff incomplete annoys me and so I feel like I really must write a bit about my last week in Chennai and, of course, our holiday (there were some hilarious moments that just cannot be forgotten!) It all seems like a lifetime ago now that I am back. To think that this time last month I was in India is...bizzare. But anyway, here goes.
Our last week was possibly the most exhausting week I have ever had, what with the huge amount of work and the stress of saying so many goodbyes. We had our last Sunday at the Powerhouse church and they gave us the chance to share a little about what we had been doing and then prayed for us. It was a good church for us while we were there and we made some great friends, who we have been able to keep in contact with thanks to the wonderful thing called Facebook! Man, I still automatically write about 'we' all the time- my joint identity with Sabrina and Helen still hasn't dissolved!
All three of us were getting pretty irritable for the last few days. Every night I was up until the early hours of the morning cutting out craft activities, making photo collages and all other manner of tedious activities. And then it was up again at 6am for work as usual! It wasn't good. On top of that there were so many holiday details to worry about- strikes, baggage allowances, cancellations. I know I wasn't a very nice person to live with that week!
But, having said that, it was also one of the best weeks. We went with all of the Jacob's Well girls to MGM Dizzee World, a fairly good theme park. And Dizzee World was a very appropriate name! Every single ride seemed to be designed to make you throw up, and there was certainly a lot of sick flying around. Yum. The theme park even had a 'Water World' section, complete with swimming pool and flumes. But of course none of the girls owned a swimming costume, and it wouldn't be appropriate to wear one anyway, so we all jumped in fully clothed. There was even someone swimming in a sari (and she STILL looked immaculte afterwards- how?!) It was such a fantastic day. And not a single queue in sight!
We gave the Balwadi group their casette player. Check out the photo of them and see how overjoyed they looked at recieveing it! The kids were all dancing away to the music on our last day there, but it was hard to see them because the cook had run out of gas and so had lit an open fire on the floor that was gradually filling the room with smoke. It was harder saying goodbye to them than I thought it would be. They are too young to really understand, but I guess it is beacause I know I will probably never see them again. I have no idea what their lives will be like, if they will even have a chance to grow up. You loose contact forever.
The Fun Clubs both finished with parties, complete with the favourite chocolate game. The leaders at Vyasarpadi have kept in touch to let us know how the kids are doing and what is happening in the church which is really nice. I don't think I really appreciated the importance of what we were doing there until we had to leave. It seems like a small thing- running some games for kids for an hour- but actually it means a lot to them. It was difficult to explain to them why we had to leave and that we don't know if or when we are going back. But they are so versatile. In a couple of weeks the next team will be there and it will all start again!
Saying goodbye to the Jacob's Well group was by far the worst thing ever. We went in on our last day and the girls were just all so subdued. We tried to play games, but it was like there was a black cloud hanging over the room. We were all anticipating saying our goodbyes! We gave them each a Tamil-English Dictionary and then we were so touched to find out that they had organised, entirely of their own initiative, to put together a little box of gifts for each of us. It seems like a little thing, but they even made sure that we each had a box that was our favourite colour. I am not usually the teary kind of person, but I was in floods of tears that afternoon. Especially saying goodbye to two of the girls I had taught right from the start- one of whom was Sathya who was so difficult to begin with. We all became so close to the girls.
Our last afternoon at the office had the potential to be equally miserable, but we actually had a really good time. Played some games, had a cake fight (preceded by Becky telling us that 'from now on we are going to eat our cakes and not put them on people's faces'. Whatever!) We thought we would have some fun before we left and so went in early on our last morning to cover the office in 500 post-it notes with stupid messages written on them. You should have seen the faces! Hearing what the staff had to say about the work we had done over the previous months was really encouraging and it was so good to be able to look back and feel like I had really given it my all. I think perhpas more than previous teams we became quite involved in every aspect of the work, which was great but made saying goodbye even harder! It was too painful.
And then that was it. It was all over. We were pushing our way through the crowds at the station, leaving Chennai after spending 5 months of our lives living and breathing the communities there. When you leave to do something like we did in Chennai, you don't even consider what leaving will be like. All you think of is going home! And then suddenly it is gone and you're on your way back. It was so good that we had a holiday first, before we got thrown back into life over here, because I know that for me, sitting on that train leaving Chennai, my heart and head were still very much caught up in what I had been doing there and I was not at all ready to come home. If I had been offered another month there I would have jumped at the chance! Oh yeah, and some guy managed to carry all 40kg of my two bags ON HIS HEAD! Insane.
More than anything, there was just such a sense of thankfulness as we left. For everything we had experienced, all that we had learnt, for our protection and safety, for the amazing people we had the priviledge of working with. I have so much!
India is a place that you love and hate. It is the best and the worst of everyting. Oh, that is so true!
I am being summoned to play Balderdash, so I guess I will continue about the holiday at a later date...
Our last week was possibly the most exhausting week I have ever had, what with the huge amount of work and the stress of saying so many goodbyes. We had our last Sunday at the Powerhouse church and they gave us the chance to share a little about what we had been doing and then prayed for us. It was a good church for us while we were there and we made some great friends, who we have been able to keep in contact with thanks to the wonderful thing called Facebook! Man, I still automatically write about 'we' all the time- my joint identity with Sabrina and Helen still hasn't dissolved!
All three of us were getting pretty irritable for the last few days. Every night I was up until the early hours of the morning cutting out craft activities, making photo collages and all other manner of tedious activities. And then it was up again at 6am for work as usual! It wasn't good. On top of that there were so many holiday details to worry about- strikes, baggage allowances, cancellations. I know I wasn't a very nice person to live with that week!
But, having said that, it was also one of the best weeks. We went with all of the Jacob's Well girls to MGM Dizzee World, a fairly good theme park. And Dizzee World was a very appropriate name! Every single ride seemed to be designed to make you throw up, and there was certainly a lot of sick flying around. Yum. The theme park even had a 'Water World' section, complete with swimming pool and flumes. But of course none of the girls owned a swimming costume, and it wouldn't be appropriate to wear one anyway, so we all jumped in fully clothed. There was even someone swimming in a sari (and she STILL looked immaculte afterwards- how?!) It was such a fantastic day. And not a single queue in sight!
We gave the Balwadi group their casette player. Check out the photo of them and see how overjoyed they looked at recieveing it! The kids were all dancing away to the music on our last day there, but it was hard to see them because the cook had run out of gas and so had lit an open fire on the floor that was gradually filling the room with smoke. It was harder saying goodbye to them than I thought it would be. They are too young to really understand, but I guess it is beacause I know I will probably never see them again. I have no idea what their lives will be like, if they will even have a chance to grow up. You loose contact forever.
The Fun Clubs both finished with parties, complete with the favourite chocolate game. The leaders at Vyasarpadi have kept in touch to let us know how the kids are doing and what is happening in the church which is really nice. I don't think I really appreciated the importance of what we were doing there until we had to leave. It seems like a small thing- running some games for kids for an hour- but actually it means a lot to them. It was difficult to explain to them why we had to leave and that we don't know if or when we are going back. But they are so versatile. In a couple of weeks the next team will be there and it will all start again!
Saying goodbye to the Jacob's Well group was by far the worst thing ever. We went in on our last day and the girls were just all so subdued. We tried to play games, but it was like there was a black cloud hanging over the room. We were all anticipating saying our goodbyes! We gave them each a Tamil-English Dictionary and then we were so touched to find out that they had organised, entirely of their own initiative, to put together a little box of gifts for each of us. It seems like a little thing, but they even made sure that we each had a box that was our favourite colour. I am not usually the teary kind of person, but I was in floods of tears that afternoon. Especially saying goodbye to two of the girls I had taught right from the start- one of whom was Sathya who was so difficult to begin with. We all became so close to the girls.
Our last afternoon at the office had the potential to be equally miserable, but we actually had a really good time. Played some games, had a cake fight (preceded by Becky telling us that 'from now on we are going to eat our cakes and not put them on people's faces'. Whatever!) We thought we would have some fun before we left and so went in early on our last morning to cover the office in 500 post-it notes with stupid messages written on them. You should have seen the faces! Hearing what the staff had to say about the work we had done over the previous months was really encouraging and it was so good to be able to look back and feel like I had really given it my all. I think perhpas more than previous teams we became quite involved in every aspect of the work, which was great but made saying goodbye even harder! It was too painful.
And then that was it. It was all over. We were pushing our way through the crowds at the station, leaving Chennai after spending 5 months of our lives living and breathing the communities there. When you leave to do something like we did in Chennai, you don't even consider what leaving will be like. All you think of is going home! And then suddenly it is gone and you're on your way back. It was so good that we had a holiday first, before we got thrown back into life over here, because I know that for me, sitting on that train leaving Chennai, my heart and head were still very much caught up in what I had been doing there and I was not at all ready to come home. If I had been offered another month there I would have jumped at the chance! Oh yeah, and some guy managed to carry all 40kg of my two bags ON HIS HEAD! Insane.
More than anything, there was just such a sense of thankfulness as we left. For everything we had experienced, all that we had learnt, for our protection and safety, for the amazing people we had the priviledge of working with. I have so much!
India is a place that you love and hate. It is the best and the worst of everyting. Oh, that is so true!
I am being summoned to play Balderdash, so I guess I will continue about the holiday at a later date...
Friday 7 March 2008
A quick note from Siliguri
Yup you have probably never even heard of Siliguri. I don't recommend visiting. There isn't much to do except wait for the hill train that goes from here up to Darjeeling! So far the traveling has been going pretty well and with no major problems- no trains missed, no flights canceled, we have managed to sort hotel rooms with no problems so far. I am feeling quite exhausted from all the traveling. Today alone we have done an overnight train, two plane flights, plus taxi and auto rides. I finished one whole book just because we have done so much waiting around! But tomorrow morning we head up to Darjeeling which I am really looking forward to. To be honest, the whole touristy thing really isn't for me at all, but I have enjoyed the last few days anyway.
We spent some time in Kerala and went on a houseboat which was fantastic. Really, really beautiful and peaceful. And then we spent some time in Jodhpur, a very 'Indian' place in the sense of the stereotypical culture people think of when they imagine India. I did get to ride a camel there! After Darjeeling, we head back to Delhi and Agra to see the Taj and then to Mumbai to catch our flights home. I am exhausted just thinking about it!
Our last day in Chennai was the best and the worst day. Saying goodbye was terrible, especially to the Jacob's Well girls. There were a lot of tears. It is so hard because you just don't know when you will see them again! The staff did a really nice leaving afternoon for us and we had a huge cake fight. While I was sitting on the train pulling out of Chennai that evening, I realized how un-ready I was to go home. We had been working right up until we left, and my heart and head were still very much wanting to be in Chennai. In that sense, it has been really nice to have this holiday. It gives us a good in-between time and I am now feeling quite ready to come home! A comfy bed, no mosquitoes, three square meals a day...sounds like heaven! And that's without even mentioning the bath.
Anyway, I just figured I would make a quick post for anyone who wanted to know how I am getting on. Looking forward to seeing you all very soon!
Love Kan
We spent some time in Kerala and went on a houseboat which was fantastic. Really, really beautiful and peaceful. And then we spent some time in Jodhpur, a very 'Indian' place in the sense of the stereotypical culture people think of when they imagine India. I did get to ride a camel there! After Darjeeling, we head back to Delhi and Agra to see the Taj and then to Mumbai to catch our flights home. I am exhausted just thinking about it!
Our last day in Chennai was the best and the worst day. Saying goodbye was terrible, especially to the Jacob's Well girls. There were a lot of tears. It is so hard because you just don't know when you will see them again! The staff did a really nice leaving afternoon for us and we had a huge cake fight. While I was sitting on the train pulling out of Chennai that evening, I realized how un-ready I was to go home. We had been working right up until we left, and my heart and head were still very much wanting to be in Chennai. In that sense, it has been really nice to have this holiday. It gives us a good in-between time and I am now feeling quite ready to come home! A comfy bed, no mosquitoes, three square meals a day...sounds like heaven! And that's without even mentioning the bath.
Anyway, I just figured I would make a quick post for anyone who wanted to know how I am getting on. Looking forward to seeing you all very soon!
Love Kan
Sunday 24 February 2008
Just a note...
Two things.
1. Enchanted is the most cheese-filled cheesy film in the world. Don't go to see it.
2. The one bag that I have now packed (impressive, huh?) is probably heavier than me. So may I add to my prayer requests that I become super-humanly strong in the next few days. Either that or I find a willing volunteer to carry my bag on holiday for me. Please send your job application and CV by speed post to India. You need to be here by Friday.
1. Enchanted is the most cheese-filled cheesy film in the world. Don't go to see it.
2. The one bag that I have now packed (impressive, huh?) is probably heavier than me. So may I add to my prayer requests that I become super-humanly strong in the next few days. Either that or I find a willing volunteer to carry my bag on holiday for me. Please send your job application and CV by speed post to India. You need to be here by Friday.
Saturday 23 February 2008
1 week to go...
Guten Morgen!
Well, I have less than a week left in Chennai and it still hasn't quite sunk in that I am leaving yet. I guess it probably will once I start packing! Five months seems like such a long time at the start, but now it feels like nothing.
This week has been as busy and exhausting as ever. Last weekend we went to see December Boys at the cinema (we figure that as it costs a pound to see a film here, we will make the most of it as we will never be able to afford it once we get home!) It is the most rubbish film EVER, to the point that it is hilarious because of its rubbishness. There is a fish-eating horse, the virgin Mary appears at random times and you get to see nuns cartwheeling on the beach. I don't understand how Daniel Radcliffe signed up for such a BAD film! Today we are going to see some cheese called Enchanted with our church friends. Anything will be better than December Boys!
We have done some more restaurant exploration. We went somewhere really good on Saturday evening, cost us about 10 pounds for all three of us to eat there and the food was amazing. I will miss being able to eat out for so cheaply. We have a Chinese place scheduled for today, although we keep being invited around to people's houses as they find out we are leaving soon. There just isn't enough time! Oh and we also went out for lunch with Becky (our overseer) on Tuesday. It was so nice to be able to chat to her, review our time here, hear what she has to say about what we have done. I really hope to be able to keep in touch with her- she has been a fantastic leader for us and has really helped us to feel part of the work we have been doing here. In fact, all of the staff have been amazing. I will miss them!
Church on Sunday was really good, too. We had a real assortment of people from around the world. At least eight different countries were represented as well as numerous Indian states. It is just so good to be able to worship with Christians from so many different countries. It reminds me that we are a part of something much bigger than us. There were three Chinese girls visiting, too, who are friends of Vijay who works for Oasis. They came in to the office on Wednesday to meet everyone and see the work, and we had the opportunity to hear a little about each of them and the situation in China. All three of them are the first Christians in their families. Two of them became Christians while at University. There is a huge movement in Chinese Universities atm, where missionaries befriend students and build up relationships with them until they are comfortable to discuss their faith and what they believe. The students who become Christians are them empowered to witness to their friends. They were all from secret churches that meet in homes. Apparently the government know about these churches but choose to turn a blind eye to save any more trouble for themselves. So long as they don't disturb the neighbours and continue to split if numbers rise about 20 people, there are no problems. There is still oppression and Christianity is very much viewed as a 'bad' religion, especially by the older generation. But things are changing rapidly there and God is definitely doing something. There are registered Public Churches where hundreds of people can attend, but the government do still have some sway in who preaches there and what is taught. It was interesting that one of the main problems the Chinese girls identified with these churches was the fact that there are so many people who meet on a Sunday, but there is no close fellowship on a personal level like they have in their very small house churches. Interesting- I think many of our churches in the UK have a similar problem.
I had my first experience of the Indian health care system this week. All week I have had a very swollen gland in my neck that was giving me a lot of trouble- not even sure why as I was fine otherwise. So I went to see a doctor who sees patients in a little converted flat at the end of our road. When i arrived, there were a number of people from the slum waiting with children and babies outside, but I was still seen first. Made me feel so bad! And it is strange having to pay your doctor, even if it does only cost 50p. I got some antibiotics from a little pharmacy kiosk on our road and they seem to have helped a lot as I feel fine now.
Balwadi has been good fun this week. SO MANY children have been coming! Still getting those hints about the tape player. The teacher keeps telling us that they will be very sad when they leave. I can't help but add 'unless we give you a tape player'! No, it really has been wonderful to be able to play with the kids, sing songs (they love 'Give me Oil in my Lamp' and all join in with the Hosanna chorus!), read stories, get filthy, be peed on, etc. Only two Balwadis left now. I wonder how the lives of these children will develop. Will they continue to live in poverty like their parents? Will they be able to attend school and get a job? Will they all make it to adulthood?
At Fun Station this week we had a big programme for both the boys and the girls. Over 30 kids turned up to see a fantastic puppet show done by one of the social work students who is on work experience with Oasis and then we gave them all a delicious meal of Byriani! They all turned up in their best clothes, and for one of the boys this meant a PVC black body suit with sunglasses. It was so funny! I had to stop myself from bursting out with laughter when he walked in. There was also a time for them to give feedback on Fun Station and what they have learnt. There were lots of comments about learning games, enjoying painting and the Bible verses we teach them. One boy said that we had taught him to be disciplined! That comment was probably a product of the stick incident. The kids actually misunderstood us that evening and thought that we were threatening to go home the next day if they didn't behave properly! One boy said that the Bible stories and verses had encouraged him to read his Bible more. The kids there are a real mix of religions- mostly Christian and Hindu- but they all join in with the Christian content. I think that sometimes when we ask them to pray at the end, we get a few prayers to Hindu gods, too. There have been lots of new children coming: recently we have had about 25 boys alone, plus 12 or 13 girls. Controlling them is a real job! Sometimes a neighbour will poke their head in and tell us to keep them quiet. Just try keeping 25 boys quiet! It is not possible. They have been very well behaved this week, though. We taught them "There's No One Like Jesus" and they are pretty good at it. We can sing it in Tamil, too, now! Bit of a mouthful.
The Vyasarpadi Fun Club has been rather variable in numbers, but still over 20 kids coming each week. We calculated that we had worked with well over 100 children and young people in one day this week: 45 Balwadi kids, 35 Fun Station kids, 25 Vyasarpadi kids and 10 Jacob's Well girls. No wonder we are exhausted by the end of the day! The Vyasarpadi project is going really well, with a great response to the Job Skills Programme that Oasis is running. They have even had to start a second group to accommodate all of the people who want to do the course. It helps that Oasis now have their own fluorescent green building to work in, so people of any faith feel comfortable to come there rather than a Christian church. One of the guys who translates for us was telling us that the church used to get a lot of complaints from neighbours for being too noisy, so the police would be called to come and sort it out. One Sunday morning the police turned up and came into the church to find a guy playing the drums who had previously been in prison for killing three people! Apparently he was 'surprised'- major understatement! The police now visit the church when they have complaints just to keep the locals happy, but come in for tea and a chat rather than telling the leaders to keep the noise down. I guess they recognise the change that is taking place in people's lives! The church want us to come to speak at a youth event on Sunday, but sadly we just don't have the time.
Jacob's Well is going well. I do find myself getting quite impatient and frustrated when I have to keep going over things again and again. Helen said I looked like I was going to explode when I asked them to find the area of a triangle and they all looked at me blankly! Don't think I am cut out to be a teacher. The girls keep bringing up that we are leaving soon and saying they are very sad and I tell them to shut up because otherwise I will cry! Saying goodbye to them will be so hard. We had an fun ice-cream eating lesson (!) for one of their Birthdays this week. And on Monday we are going on a trip to a theme park with them all. They are so excited! So am I to be honest.
Helen and I went to get our flip-flops fixed this week. At home, if my flip flops broke I would chuck them and buy a new pair. Here, you go to see one of the men sitting on the side of the road who will sew up the shoes for a few rupees. It shows so clearly the totally different attitude people have here. Nothing is wasted, everything is fixed for as long as possible and after that is recycled for a different use.
I had fun at the office yesterday. There wasn't much work going on as a very prominent Christian leader in the city died earlier this week, and so some people had gone home to watch the funeral on TV. Someone was even showing us photos of the dead body in the coffin that they had taken on their phone! In funerals here, the body is paraded through the streets for all to see. Takes some getting used to! Those of us who were left ended up having a water fight and I was trying to stick a kick-me sign on everyone's back. I think all three of us are beginning to embrace the Indian sense of humour which is definitely not a good thing!
There has been some bad news from the Bangalore team this week. Two of the girls have been unwell, one of them in hospital, and so they have decided to go home on Tuesday. It is so sad as they are very near the end and will miss out on the holiday which is all booked up. But nothing can be done. Alannah is still coming, so the four of us will go together. I realised how lucky we have been here in Chennai to have had so little illness. I have not needed to miss a single day off work because of sickness. Although still a few weeks in India to go!
Well that's it for now. I have so much packing to do! I don't think it will ever fit into one bag. I may post some more while I am holidaying, or maybe not. We'll see. Thank you for all the emails, post and support you have given me while I have been away!
And thank you also for praying for me and the others here.
- Please pray for the Bangalore team, that they will have a safe journey home and will recover their health. Pray for Alannah too, that she stays well and enjoys herself even though she is not with her team members.
- Pray that our holiday goes safely and smoothly and that we have a good time. Especially pray that we get confirmed seats on the trains we are still waiting for.
- Pray for the situation in China and for the Christians there, that there will be great unity among the house churches, that God will raise up new leaders and that the movement in Universities will continue to explode. Especially pray for the young Christians who have unbelieving families, that they will be a good witness.
- Pray for us as we finish everything off, that goodbyes are not too painful and that we get everything sorted that we need to.
- Thank God that my neck is doing better.
- Thank God for the work that is happening here and the people who are involved in the communities day in and day out. Pray that God will strengthen them and provide for all of their needs.
I feel like I have written a lot but said very little in this post. I expect I will post again at some point to write about my holidaying, last week in Chennai, etc etc. But if you don't hear from me before- see you soon!
Kan xxx
"I wonder why you care, God—
why do you bother with us at all?
All we are is a puff of air;
we're like shadows in a campfire."
Psalm 144:3-4
"Step down out of heaven, God;
ignite volcanoes in the hearts of the mountains.
Hurl your lightnings in every direction;
shoot your arrows this way and that.
Reach all the way from sky to sea."
Psalm 144:5-7
Well, I have less than a week left in Chennai and it still hasn't quite sunk in that I am leaving yet. I guess it probably will once I start packing! Five months seems like such a long time at the start, but now it feels like nothing.
This week has been as busy and exhausting as ever. Last weekend we went to see December Boys at the cinema (we figure that as it costs a pound to see a film here, we will make the most of it as we will never be able to afford it once we get home!) It is the most rubbish film EVER, to the point that it is hilarious because of its rubbishness. There is a fish-eating horse, the virgin Mary appears at random times and you get to see nuns cartwheeling on the beach. I don't understand how Daniel Radcliffe signed up for such a BAD film! Today we are going to see some cheese called Enchanted with our church friends. Anything will be better than December Boys!
We have done some more restaurant exploration. We went somewhere really good on Saturday evening, cost us about 10 pounds for all three of us to eat there and the food was amazing. I will miss being able to eat out for so cheaply. We have a Chinese place scheduled for today, although we keep being invited around to people's houses as they find out we are leaving soon. There just isn't enough time! Oh and we also went out for lunch with Becky (our overseer) on Tuesday. It was so nice to be able to chat to her, review our time here, hear what she has to say about what we have done. I really hope to be able to keep in touch with her- she has been a fantastic leader for us and has really helped us to feel part of the work we have been doing here. In fact, all of the staff have been amazing. I will miss them!
Church on Sunday was really good, too. We had a real assortment of people from around the world. At least eight different countries were represented as well as numerous Indian states. It is just so good to be able to worship with Christians from so many different countries. It reminds me that we are a part of something much bigger than us. There were three Chinese girls visiting, too, who are friends of Vijay who works for Oasis. They came in to the office on Wednesday to meet everyone and see the work, and we had the opportunity to hear a little about each of them and the situation in China. All three of them are the first Christians in their families. Two of them became Christians while at University. There is a huge movement in Chinese Universities atm, where missionaries befriend students and build up relationships with them until they are comfortable to discuss their faith and what they believe. The students who become Christians are them empowered to witness to their friends. They were all from secret churches that meet in homes. Apparently the government know about these churches but choose to turn a blind eye to save any more trouble for themselves. So long as they don't disturb the neighbours and continue to split if numbers rise about 20 people, there are no problems. There is still oppression and Christianity is very much viewed as a 'bad' religion, especially by the older generation. But things are changing rapidly there and God is definitely doing something. There are registered Public Churches where hundreds of people can attend, but the government do still have some sway in who preaches there and what is taught. It was interesting that one of the main problems the Chinese girls identified with these churches was the fact that there are so many people who meet on a Sunday, but there is no close fellowship on a personal level like they have in their very small house churches. Interesting- I think many of our churches in the UK have a similar problem.
I had my first experience of the Indian health care system this week. All week I have had a very swollen gland in my neck that was giving me a lot of trouble- not even sure why as I was fine otherwise. So I went to see a doctor who sees patients in a little converted flat at the end of our road. When i arrived, there were a number of people from the slum waiting with children and babies outside, but I was still seen first. Made me feel so bad! And it is strange having to pay your doctor, even if it does only cost 50p. I got some antibiotics from a little pharmacy kiosk on our road and they seem to have helped a lot as I feel fine now.
Balwadi has been good fun this week. SO MANY children have been coming! Still getting those hints about the tape player. The teacher keeps telling us that they will be very sad when they leave. I can't help but add 'unless we give you a tape player'! No, it really has been wonderful to be able to play with the kids, sing songs (they love 'Give me Oil in my Lamp' and all join in with the Hosanna chorus!), read stories, get filthy, be peed on, etc. Only two Balwadis left now. I wonder how the lives of these children will develop. Will they continue to live in poverty like their parents? Will they be able to attend school and get a job? Will they all make it to adulthood?
At Fun Station this week we had a big programme for both the boys and the girls. Over 30 kids turned up to see a fantastic puppet show done by one of the social work students who is on work experience with Oasis and then we gave them all a delicious meal of Byriani! They all turned up in their best clothes, and for one of the boys this meant a PVC black body suit with sunglasses. It was so funny! I had to stop myself from bursting out with laughter when he walked in. There was also a time for them to give feedback on Fun Station and what they have learnt. There were lots of comments about learning games, enjoying painting and the Bible verses we teach them. One boy said that we had taught him to be disciplined! That comment was probably a product of the stick incident. The kids actually misunderstood us that evening and thought that we were threatening to go home the next day if they didn't behave properly! One boy said that the Bible stories and verses had encouraged him to read his Bible more. The kids there are a real mix of religions- mostly Christian and Hindu- but they all join in with the Christian content. I think that sometimes when we ask them to pray at the end, we get a few prayers to Hindu gods, too. There have been lots of new children coming: recently we have had about 25 boys alone, plus 12 or 13 girls. Controlling them is a real job! Sometimes a neighbour will poke their head in and tell us to keep them quiet. Just try keeping 25 boys quiet! It is not possible. They have been very well behaved this week, though. We taught them "There's No One Like Jesus" and they are pretty good at it. We can sing it in Tamil, too, now! Bit of a mouthful.
The Vyasarpadi Fun Club has been rather variable in numbers, but still over 20 kids coming each week. We calculated that we had worked with well over 100 children and young people in one day this week: 45 Balwadi kids, 35 Fun Station kids, 25 Vyasarpadi kids and 10 Jacob's Well girls. No wonder we are exhausted by the end of the day! The Vyasarpadi project is going really well, with a great response to the Job Skills Programme that Oasis is running. They have even had to start a second group to accommodate all of the people who want to do the course. It helps that Oasis now have their own fluorescent green building to work in, so people of any faith feel comfortable to come there rather than a Christian church. One of the guys who translates for us was telling us that the church used to get a lot of complaints from neighbours for being too noisy, so the police would be called to come and sort it out. One Sunday morning the police turned up and came into the church to find a guy playing the drums who had previously been in prison for killing three people! Apparently he was 'surprised'- major understatement! The police now visit the church when they have complaints just to keep the locals happy, but come in for tea and a chat rather than telling the leaders to keep the noise down. I guess they recognise the change that is taking place in people's lives! The church want us to come to speak at a youth event on Sunday, but sadly we just don't have the time.
Jacob's Well is going well. I do find myself getting quite impatient and frustrated when I have to keep going over things again and again. Helen said I looked like I was going to explode when I asked them to find the area of a triangle and they all looked at me blankly! Don't think I am cut out to be a teacher. The girls keep bringing up that we are leaving soon and saying they are very sad and I tell them to shut up because otherwise I will cry! Saying goodbye to them will be so hard. We had an fun ice-cream eating lesson (!) for one of their Birthdays this week. And on Monday we are going on a trip to a theme park with them all. They are so excited! So am I to be honest.
Helen and I went to get our flip-flops fixed this week. At home, if my flip flops broke I would chuck them and buy a new pair. Here, you go to see one of the men sitting on the side of the road who will sew up the shoes for a few rupees. It shows so clearly the totally different attitude people have here. Nothing is wasted, everything is fixed for as long as possible and after that is recycled for a different use.
I had fun at the office yesterday. There wasn't much work going on as a very prominent Christian leader in the city died earlier this week, and so some people had gone home to watch the funeral on TV. Someone was even showing us photos of the dead body in the coffin that they had taken on their phone! In funerals here, the body is paraded through the streets for all to see. Takes some getting used to! Those of us who were left ended up having a water fight and I was trying to stick a kick-me sign on everyone's back. I think all three of us are beginning to embrace the Indian sense of humour which is definitely not a good thing!
There has been some bad news from the Bangalore team this week. Two of the girls have been unwell, one of them in hospital, and so they have decided to go home on Tuesday. It is so sad as they are very near the end and will miss out on the holiday which is all booked up. But nothing can be done. Alannah is still coming, so the four of us will go together. I realised how lucky we have been here in Chennai to have had so little illness. I have not needed to miss a single day off work because of sickness. Although still a few weeks in India to go!
Well that's it for now. I have so much packing to do! I don't think it will ever fit into one bag. I may post some more while I am holidaying, or maybe not. We'll see. Thank you for all the emails, post and support you have given me while I have been away!
And thank you also for praying for me and the others here.
- Please pray for the Bangalore team, that they will have a safe journey home and will recover their health. Pray for Alannah too, that she stays well and enjoys herself even though she is not with her team members.
- Pray that our holiday goes safely and smoothly and that we have a good time. Especially pray that we get confirmed seats on the trains we are still waiting for.
- Pray for the situation in China and for the Christians there, that there will be great unity among the house churches, that God will raise up new leaders and that the movement in Universities will continue to explode. Especially pray for the young Christians who have unbelieving families, that they will be a good witness.
- Pray for us as we finish everything off, that goodbyes are not too painful and that we get everything sorted that we need to.
- Thank God that my neck is doing better.
- Thank God for the work that is happening here and the people who are involved in the communities day in and day out. Pray that God will strengthen them and provide for all of their needs.
I feel like I have written a lot but said very little in this post. I expect I will post again at some point to write about my holidaying, last week in Chennai, etc etc. But if you don't hear from me before- see you soon!
Kan xxx
"I wonder why you care, God—
why do you bother with us at all?
All we are is a puff of air;
we're like shadows in a campfire."
Psalm 144:3-4
"Step down out of heaven, God;
ignite volcanoes in the hearts of the mountains.
Hurl your lightnings in every direction;
shoot your arrows this way and that.
Reach all the way from sky to sea."
Psalm 144:5-7
Saturday 16 February 2008
Lovers Day!
Good Morning!
Well it is 8am on Saturday and I am in the Oasis office with the intention of getting some of my masses of typing done. I fugured that I would warm up with the slightly more pleasureable task of blog writing, though. Not that I am not warm enough already. The weather is definitely getting hotter again here. Last weekend we had a bit of rain and the humidity combined with the heat made it feel like we were living in a rainforest. I am glad we are out of here before the really hot weather gets going in April!
Last week at church we had a guy called Andre de Villiers (http://www.andredevilliers.com/) visiting Powerhouse. The church seems to have friends all over the world! He is a pretty amazing muscician (sounds vaguely like Jack Johnson to my untrained ear) who spent most of the morning service sharing his testimony with us and playing the songs that he had written during the different stages of his life. He was so honest, unassuming and talented as he performed. I think all three of us really enjoyed it.
After church we decided to try out a new restaurant someone had recommended to us. We discovered that Chennai does actually have a whole host of really nice restaurants that we never knew about in an area called Nungambakkam. How typical- right at the end of our stay we discover them! So we are going to be eating out quite frequently in the next couple of weeks, just so we can try a few more out. Having said that, Marjory has been making us some delicious fish curry over the past week which would rival any good restaurant, so maybe we should just hang around Jacob's Well and hope she invites us in for more.
Our working week has flown by in a blurr of naughty children, English lessons and craft activities (which are officially my worst enemy). Balwadi has been quite controlled lately, actually. We did hand painting on Monday and I left Balwadi absolutely covered in green and blue paint. But it was fun! The teacher found out we are leaving in two weeks and started making a real effort to be extra nice to us. However, we soon discovered there was another motive for the niceness- she suggested on Monday in her rather broken English that we might want to give the class a tape player as a parting gift so she can play her Nursery Rhyme tapes. We checked that this was OK with Oasis and then decided that we would be happy to do that. Since then, we have been invited to sit with the teachers for tea, given bangles and even invited back for lunch on Friday. (Yum, veg Byriani! It was so hot - temp - that I am sure I have permanently damaged my finger tips with burns. And I managed to put a whole chilli in my mouth resulting in me smiling at the teacher, eyes and nose running, assuring her that it wasn't too spicy for me at all!) And just in case we forget, she sometimes reminds us to contribute a tape player when we leave. It makes me angry! Still, they are genuinely sad to see us leaving and the teacher seems really keen to get involved in some spoken English classes run by Oasis which is great.
Jacob's Well classes are going fairly well. Half of my class are doing really well on the reading front, but half seem to be seriously struggling. I think a couple of them might be slightly dyslexic which can't be helpful. I would really like to have the time to sit with each one individually and help them with the things they struggle with, but it just isn't possible. I do get annoyed with them when they just don't try at all. Some of them are so bright and could do so well if only they applied themselves! Our fun afternoon lessons have definitely been a success this week. We had a hilarious 'rubbish' fashion show where the girls dressed each other up in all kinds of junk. They were all very excited on Thursday because it was both 'Lovers' Day and Devika's Birthday. Lovers Day is almost as commercialised here as it is in the UK, and the cards in the shops are horrendously filled with cheese. It is quite entertaining to read them!
We are settling in to a routine with Vyasarpadi now. There are about 30 kids attending which is good. They love the dramas we do with them! And the feedback we have had from the church leaders is good, so despite the language barrier the kids must be enjoying it. We were invited back to have tea at the Pastor's house on Tuesday and had a chance to hear some more about the church. It has such an inspiring story! The Pastor used to be a Catholic Priest, but Catholicism here is a bit different and incorporates quite a lot of Hindu rituals. Most people do not class Catholics as Christians. His wife was saved and prayed fervently for her husband and 5 children, with the outcome that the whole family are now Christians and are doing amazing work in the community. It is only because of the Catholic background that they are allowed to stay in the community. Most other churches have been kicked out. And the kids coming to the Fun Club are all new children who have not previously had any contact with the church, so we are praying that they will draw their parents in, too. Oh yes, and the wife of the Pastor is apparently totally illiterate (she only finished Year 1 at school) and yet somehow can read the Bible! I think we may be going back over for dinner one evening, so hopefully some more amazing stories then!
Fun Station at SD Puram is going OK, although we have had some behaviour issues recently. I feel like I am forever telling off badly behaved children! On Wednesday the boys got completely out of control: locking themselves in the toilet, overflowing the sink, fighting with each other. There were about 18 of them, and because of the activity we were doing a few got bored and started making mischief. Finally we got them all sitting on the floor ready to listen to us, and I gave them a fairly severe telling off. One kid had come in with a stick, so I had confiscated that at the start and still happened to be holding it. So just imagine- I am standing in front of 18 boys, shouting at them in English which they barely understand, waving my arms around and brandishing a stick! I think the Tuition Master who was sitting in the other room thought I had gone mad. He told me at the end I was 'very emotional tonight'. I think he would be too if they behaved as badly with him! We cancelled Fun Station on Thursday for them as a punishment, and they were excellent yesterday, so hopefully it has taught them a lesson.
Prayer points (will be brief as I have just seen the time!):
- For energy to finish everything off before we leave.
- Safety on holiday.
- Vyasarpadi kids' parents to get involved in the programmes running there.
- Behaviour of SD Puram.
Right I have procrastinated for long enough now- really need to write these reports!
See you all soon! X
"Our imagination so powerfully magnifies time, by continual reflections upon it, and so diminishes eternity...for want of reflection, that we make a nothing of eternity and an eternity of nothing." Pascal
"Christianity has come to the point where we believe that there is no higher aspiration for the soul than to be nice. And we are producing a generation of men and women whose greatest virtue is that they don't offend anyone. Then we wonder why there is not more passion for Christ. How can we hunger and thirst after righteousness if we have ceased hungering and thirsting altogether?" The Journey of Desire
Well it is 8am on Saturday and I am in the Oasis office with the intention of getting some of my masses of typing done. I fugured that I would warm up with the slightly more pleasureable task of blog writing, though. Not that I am not warm enough already. The weather is definitely getting hotter again here. Last weekend we had a bit of rain and the humidity combined with the heat made it feel like we were living in a rainforest. I am glad we are out of here before the really hot weather gets going in April!
Last week at church we had a guy called Andre de Villiers (http://www.andredevilliers.com/) visiting Powerhouse. The church seems to have friends all over the world! He is a pretty amazing muscician (sounds vaguely like Jack Johnson to my untrained ear) who spent most of the morning service sharing his testimony with us and playing the songs that he had written during the different stages of his life. He was so honest, unassuming and talented as he performed. I think all three of us really enjoyed it.
After church we decided to try out a new restaurant someone had recommended to us. We discovered that Chennai does actually have a whole host of really nice restaurants that we never knew about in an area called Nungambakkam. How typical- right at the end of our stay we discover them! So we are going to be eating out quite frequently in the next couple of weeks, just so we can try a few more out. Having said that, Marjory has been making us some delicious fish curry over the past week which would rival any good restaurant, so maybe we should just hang around Jacob's Well and hope she invites us in for more.
Our working week has flown by in a blurr of naughty children, English lessons and craft activities (which are officially my worst enemy). Balwadi has been quite controlled lately, actually. We did hand painting on Monday and I left Balwadi absolutely covered in green and blue paint. But it was fun! The teacher found out we are leaving in two weeks and started making a real effort to be extra nice to us. However, we soon discovered there was another motive for the niceness- she suggested on Monday in her rather broken English that we might want to give the class a tape player as a parting gift so she can play her Nursery Rhyme tapes. We checked that this was OK with Oasis and then decided that we would be happy to do that. Since then, we have been invited to sit with the teachers for tea, given bangles and even invited back for lunch on Friday. (Yum, veg Byriani! It was so hot - temp - that I am sure I have permanently damaged my finger tips with burns. And I managed to put a whole chilli in my mouth resulting in me smiling at the teacher, eyes and nose running, assuring her that it wasn't too spicy for me at all!) And just in case we forget, she sometimes reminds us to contribute a tape player when we leave. It makes me angry! Still, they are genuinely sad to see us leaving and the teacher seems really keen to get involved in some spoken English classes run by Oasis which is great.
Jacob's Well classes are going fairly well. Half of my class are doing really well on the reading front, but half seem to be seriously struggling. I think a couple of them might be slightly dyslexic which can't be helpful. I would really like to have the time to sit with each one individually and help them with the things they struggle with, but it just isn't possible. I do get annoyed with them when they just don't try at all. Some of them are so bright and could do so well if only they applied themselves! Our fun afternoon lessons have definitely been a success this week. We had a hilarious 'rubbish' fashion show where the girls dressed each other up in all kinds of junk. They were all very excited on Thursday because it was both 'Lovers' Day and Devika's Birthday. Lovers Day is almost as commercialised here as it is in the UK, and the cards in the shops are horrendously filled with cheese. It is quite entertaining to read them!
We are settling in to a routine with Vyasarpadi now. There are about 30 kids attending which is good. They love the dramas we do with them! And the feedback we have had from the church leaders is good, so despite the language barrier the kids must be enjoying it. We were invited back to have tea at the Pastor's house on Tuesday and had a chance to hear some more about the church. It has such an inspiring story! The Pastor used to be a Catholic Priest, but Catholicism here is a bit different and incorporates quite a lot of Hindu rituals. Most people do not class Catholics as Christians. His wife was saved and prayed fervently for her husband and 5 children, with the outcome that the whole family are now Christians and are doing amazing work in the community. It is only because of the Catholic background that they are allowed to stay in the community. Most other churches have been kicked out. And the kids coming to the Fun Club are all new children who have not previously had any contact with the church, so we are praying that they will draw their parents in, too. Oh yes, and the wife of the Pastor is apparently totally illiterate (she only finished Year 1 at school) and yet somehow can read the Bible! I think we may be going back over for dinner one evening, so hopefully some more amazing stories then!
Fun Station at SD Puram is going OK, although we have had some behaviour issues recently. I feel like I am forever telling off badly behaved children! On Wednesday the boys got completely out of control: locking themselves in the toilet, overflowing the sink, fighting with each other. There were about 18 of them, and because of the activity we were doing a few got bored and started making mischief. Finally we got them all sitting on the floor ready to listen to us, and I gave them a fairly severe telling off. One kid had come in with a stick, so I had confiscated that at the start and still happened to be holding it. So just imagine- I am standing in front of 18 boys, shouting at them in English which they barely understand, waving my arms around and brandishing a stick! I think the Tuition Master who was sitting in the other room thought I had gone mad. He told me at the end I was 'very emotional tonight'. I think he would be too if they behaved as badly with him! We cancelled Fun Station on Thursday for them as a punishment, and they were excellent yesterday, so hopefully it has taught them a lesson.
Prayer points (will be brief as I have just seen the time!):
- For energy to finish everything off before we leave.
- Safety on holiday.
- Vyasarpadi kids' parents to get involved in the programmes running there.
- Behaviour of SD Puram.
Right I have procrastinated for long enough now- really need to write these reports!
See you all soon! X
"Our imagination so powerfully magnifies time, by continual reflections upon it, and so diminishes eternity...for want of reflection, that we make a nothing of eternity and an eternity of nothing." Pascal
"Christianity has come to the point where we believe that there is no higher aspiration for the soul than to be nice. And we are producing a generation of men and women whose greatest virtue is that they don't offend anyone. Then we wonder why there is not more passion for Christ. How can we hunger and thirst after righteousness if we have ceased hungering and thirsting altogether?" The Journey of Desire
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