Me?

Have you ever had those times when you wonder how people see you? Wonder what it would be like to see yourself through someone else's eyes? And occasionally people will say something that gives a glimpse of how you come across to them, which is often totally different to what you expect. I've had a few of those moments this week.

You see, I have discovered that I seem to have developed some kind of image and reputation as a 'nice' person. Generally, I seem to have a pretty good reputation. It's just little comments from people but I've had a few of them this week and their cumulative effect has been to make me think a bit about reputation. We had a lecture last week about making ethical decisions and the speaker was talking about the different ways to go about this. One of them was the 'virtue' method- this basically uses the theory that if you are a good person, you will make good decisions. But she went on to say that in her opinion, one of the risks of this method is that it becomes all about the vet making themselves look good and actually it might result in unethical decisions being made. Pride creeps in there.

"People who are obsessed with Jesus know that the sin of pride is always a battle. Obsessed people know that you can never be 'humble enough', and so they seek to make themselves less known and Christ more known." Crazy Love

Is the point to be known as a 'nice' person? No! That should never be my aim. Is the point to make myself look good? Of course not. Still, subconsciously it happens. But I want people to see Jesus. I want to live as someone who points to Him, who makes Him look bigger and myself look smaller.

The truth is, I have no idea how I have acquired this label. I know myself well and I know that there is much in me and about me that is not 'nice'. I know the darkest parts of myself, my lack of love, my selfishness, my anger...everything. I was chatting to Sabrina (who I lived with in India) last weekend about how she and Helen are some of the few people who have seen the worst in me as well as the best. Living closely with other people means that you really get to know yourself!

If people see something in me that they admire then that is fantastic- but I don't want it to end there. I want it to point them on to Jesus. I want it to spur them on to get to know Him more. Because anything that they do see is certainly not my own doing or effort- it is all because of Him. And He should get the glory, not me. Pride is a battle and it would be foolish to pretend otherwise. But God lifts up people who are humble. And I don't want 'me' to get in God's way. I want to be bowed down before Him.

"I lift you high and bow down low. How high can You be? How low can I go?"

If I have my eyes fixed on God and am adoring Him, caring only about what He thinks of me, then that's a good start. And if I really am loving other people, then what I do should never become about me. It should always be about my love- God's love- for those other people.

"Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time." 1 Peter 5:6

Be content with obscurity.

Solution Hillsong United

in Deed and in Truth

"By this we know love, that He laid down His life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers. But if anyone has the world's goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God's love abide in him? Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth." I John 3:16-18

We talk about social action all the time, about justice and freedom. But talking is easy. What do we do? How shall we live in light of the fact that people who love God (or claim to) must also love His people- and love them with an active love? If I look at my life, I realise that is just what it is: MY life. A lot of what I do is characterized by selfishness, like how I spend my money, my time, my thoughts, my energy. Sure, I will try to take opportunities to be generous with my money or my time, but if I'm honest there is probably a limit as to how far I would go. So long as it doesn't cost me too dearly... I play it safe.

But God doesn't want us to play it safe. John writes that if I claim to live in God, I must walk as Jesus walked- and Jesus lived a life of total sacrifice to others. It's always been about loving God and loving people- because of God's ultimate love. How can I know God's love and then close my heart to brothers and sisters who are in need? I have so much. James says that it's no good claiming to have faith if what we do doesn't back it up. What I have is not mine to hold on tightly to. There are not supposed to be limits on my giving. Is it okay that there are rich Christians in the world? Should I be precious with my time and use it for my glory? And even if I nail both of those things, isn't it even more selfish to have the amazing hope that I do and keep it to myself?

"...When we were done, I started wondering if we had accomplished anything. I started wondering whether we could actually change the world. I mean, of course we could - we could change our buying habits, elect socially conscious representatives and that sort of thing, but I honestly don't believe we will be solving the greater human conflict with our efforts. The problem is not a certain type of legislation or even a certain politician; the problem is the same that it has always been.
I am the problem.
I think that every conscious person, every person who is awake to the functioning principles within his reality, has as moment where he stops blaming the problems of the world on group think, on humanity and authority, and starts to face himself. I hate this more than anything. This is the hardest principle within Christian spirituality for me to deal with. The problem is not out there, the problem is the needy beast of a thing that lives in my chest.
The thing I realized on the day we protested... was that it did me no good to protest America's responsibility in global poverty when I wasn't even giving money to my church, which has a terrific homeless ministry. I started feeling very much like a hypocrite.
More than my questions about the efficacy of social action were my questions about my own motives. Do I want social justice for the oppressed, or do I just want to be known as a socially active person? I spend 95 percent of my time thinking about myself anyway. I don't have to watch the evening news to see that the world is bad, I only have to look at myself. I am not browbeating myself here; I am only saying that true change, true life-giving, God-honoring change would have to start with the individual. I was the very problem I had been protesting. I wanted to make a sign that read "I AM THE PROBLEM!" Donald Miller, Blue Like Jazz

"My dear children, let's not just talk about love; let's practice real love. This is the only way we'll know we're living truly, living in God's reality. It's also the way to shut down debilitating self-criticism, even when there is something to it. For God is greater than our worried hearts and knows more about us than we do ourselves." 1 John 3:18-20, MSG

Profile of the Obsessed - Crazy Love by Francis Chan

People who are obsessed with Jesus:

- give freely and openly, without censure. Obsessed people love those who hate them and who can never love them back.

- aren't consumed with their personal safety and comfort above all else. Obsessed people care more about God's kingdom coming to this earth than their own lives being shielded from pain or distress.

- live lives that connect them with the poor in some way or another. Obsessed people believe that Jesus talked about money and the poor so often because it was really important to Him.

- are more concerned with obeying God than doing what is expected or fulfilling the status quo. A person who is obsessed with Jesus will do things that don't always make sense in terms of success or wealth on this earth. As Martin Luther put, "There are two days on my calendar: this day and that day."

- know that the sin of pride is always a battle. Obsessed people know that you can never be 'humble enough', and so they seek to make themselves less known and Christ more known.

- do not consider service a burden. Obsessed people take joy in loving God by loving His people.

- are known as givers, not takers. Obsessed people genuinely think that other matter as much as they do, and they are particularly aware of those who are poor around the world.

- think about heaven frequently. Obsessed people orientate their lives around eternity; they are not fixed only on what is here in front of them.

- are characterized by a committed, settled, passionate love for God, above and before every other thing and every other being.

- are raw with God; they do not attempt to mask the ugliness of their sins or their failiures. Obsessed people don't put it on for God; He is their safe place, where they can be at peace.

- have an intimate relationship with Him. They are nourished by God's word throughout the day because they know that 40 minutes on a Sunday is not enough to sustain them for a whole week, especially when they will encounter so many distractions and alternative messages.

- are more concerned with their own character than comfort. Obsessed people know that true joy doesn't depend on circumstances or environment; it is a gift that must be chosen and cultivated, a gift that ultimately comes from God.

- know that the best thing they can do is to be faithful to the Saviour in every aspect of life, continually saying "Thank you!" to God. An obsessed person knows there can never be intimacy if they are always trying to pay God back or work hard enough to be worthy. They revel in their role as child and friend of God.

Mark Boyle and his year without money...

(from the western daily press)

A year without any money

Friday, November 21, 2008, 14:58

While most people are trying to find ways of cutting down their spending as the credit crunch continues to bite, one man is to embark on the extreme step of surviving for 12 months without any money.

Mark Boyle, an economics graduate and former businessman, hit the headlines earlier this year after he attempted to walk 9,000 miles from Bristol to India relying entirely people's goodwill and generosity.

The 29-year-old took no money or credit cards with him on what he hoped would be a two-year pilgrimage to Gandhi's birthplace of Porbandar.

He began the trip to spread the message of the Freeconomy movement but a month into the trip, he announced he was giving up the challenge after he started to face difficulties as soon as he arrived in France.

At the time he wrote in his internet blog: "Not only did no one speak the language, they also saw us as a bunch of freeloading backpackers, which is the complete opposite of what the pilgrimage is really about.

"We spoke to a few people who were willing to talk and they said that France would not go for this unless we could speak fluent French, which none of us could."

Eight months after returning home, a suitably refreshed Mr Boyle is gearing up to begin his latest challenge of surviving an entire year without the use of cash.

Mr Boyle is the founder of the Freeconomist movement, a group that works on the principle that people should help each other by sharing their physical and emotional skills, without demanding any payment.

He will begin his year-long social experiment on Saturday, November 29, which is also national Buy Nothing Day.

The challenge will be launched with a day of free food in Bristol, with chefs including the BBC's Roadkill chef Fergus the Forager Drennan and the authors of The Self Sufficient-ish Bible, Dave and Andy Hamilton, among those helping out.

Mr Boyle dreams of becoming the ultimate Freeconomist by living completely without money for a year. He aims to achieve this by living off the land and using products that are thrown away by society, and by building relationships with people in his local community and trading skills.

He said: "I've been preparing a lot over the past couple of months, but the challenge will be the things I can't plan for; a broken arm, exhaustion or the worst case scenario, a family bereavement.

"I suspect the most difficult thing will be socialising in a world that revolves around money. I'll be living on a day-to-day basis, hand to mouth, which means I'll never really know where my next meal comes from."

To kick off his year of cash-free living, Mr Boyle is organising a Food for Free Feast will be made completely from foraged, skipped and donated food.

It is free and takes place at Cafe Midnimo, Ashley Road, Bristol, from 4.30pm on Saturday, November 29.